Walking Towards Small Victories
I wasn’t going to use this recording, my first open-air one, unscripted back in February because of my usual hesitancy of saying is this good enough? Yes, I am plagued by perfectionism. When I played it back, I thought the wind was too loud at the start of the recording. However, having listened to this more than once, to capture the essence of what I was trying to say, I felt it conveyed several important messages, which I want to share today.
One of the key statements I made was that I did something, despite something else. We all know our fair share of adversity and travelling to Suffolk, when life was feeling particularly tough in the rain, may not seem much of an achievement, but to me it was. I had promised my family a winter retreat and I delivered what I had promised. Two cars packed to the rafters, with baby things for my grandson and renting an eco-cabin ( Air B and B for three nights) seemed quite an adventure for this hardly adventurous individual.
Nothing was going to stop me/ us enjoying ourselves and my specific aim was to get to Flatford Mill and photograph the famous painting scene by John Constable. So, on that first morning, I put my walking boots on, skirting the largest flooded dip I had seen, I left the family in bed and found my way to the mill before the heavens opened again.
I got out my phone and pressed play, not knowing quite what I was going to say. Point number two, I surprised myself by being spontaneous. There were a couple of other people quite close by but it didn’t matter. I got my message out there that you can hear now.
I realised then that I rarely let myself or people down. I can dig in and pull small and bigger things ‘out-of-the-bag’. Determination and stubbornness (the latter I’m sure I get from my father) can win the day, if used in the right way.
Last year, I drove to Salisbury, the longest trip I have ever done on my own. The year before was my first adventure by taking myself on a 24-hour trip to the Lincolnshire Wolds. Using an app, I found my way around a Tennyson walk. I got lost briefly but when I had completed the circuit and got back to the car, I felt so elated I had done it.
I am learning to embrace small victories and just need more courage and cash to say I am becoming a little explorer. This is the biggest thing I need to permit myself to do. It doesn’t have to be travelling half away around the world. England is just fine and I am pushing my boundaries in more ways than one, every day not just in the physical domain but within my mindset as well.
I might be aged 60 but I want to feel like a small child again with that sense of wonder and curiosity. Childhood was such ‘serious stuff’ with one parent having a significant mental health diagnosis for all of it. There was never fun and joy, and this script was soon transported into the adult world where life was serious, with duty, commitments, responsibilities and being sensible.
Writing this I realise why I have always wanted to fly like a bird. To just take off and be free to go wherever my imagination takes me. My hope is for many road trips ahead with a child’s mind at the wheel. If my friends see me, do give me a wave.
