Unfortunately for the third week running, there is no accompanying audio. Life and the awful weather has prevented me from walking alone to record anything. It will be back next week though.

Three events/observations which happened last week.

1. I listened to a YouTube video by Peter Sage which has completely changed my perspective on gratitude and maybe it was one I was meant to hear. It’s very powerful and if you ever feel like life isn’t great, then please give this a go. It was a big wake-up call for me. Here it is.

Running alongside this was my idea that I wanted to return to one previous post about success and failure as it had touched one reader’s heart. I hope they read this as it might help them to realise just what qualities they truly have.

A difficult conversation.

Reflection:

Bringing these experiences together, I want to go back to the topic of being grateful and a new word resilience and how I am choosing to think differently from even what I had touched upon a week ago.

Point one:

We can all look at what didn’t go well, the decisions not made, the things we allowed to go on for too long, the people we met, the jobs we had, the divorce that happened, the trust that was broken, the disappointment of what if…….

Point two:

We can allow the very close people we are aligned to influence our narrative. They can try to paint our picture of life mirroring what they think their own looks like. The dark colours they choose can impact the finished result of our own picture, should we choose it too? Note, that we can reject this image.

Point three:

We have a chisel in our hand as far as digging up the past. We can mine for the mud or we can chisel for the gold. For out of every negative experience or perceived failure, you can turn the dust into diamonds or the grime into what shimmers, if you dig hard enough with a different attitude. Now you get to decide whether you want to continue to wear the dust or glow in a new light.

From one of those experiences last week, I recalled a time in 2010 when I had to make such a decision, and it was from that moment onwards that drove me forward to where I am today. I think I may have already mentioned it in one of my blog posts and a major driver in everything I do.

So here are some of my examples of where the dust has been reframed into a golden nugget.

Dust: I didn’t get a chance to do most of what I wanted artistically as a child- ballet classes and piano lessons.

Gold:  The determination to not give up when I have had the opportunity to do things as an adult. Also, to make those opportunities happen. I have had piano lessons for nearly four years and have found someone who does adult ballet classes, but I have chosen not to do the latter- my choice.

Dust: A very traumatic short first marriage.

Gold: It was from that experience I met Jean who many of my friends know is one of the most important people in my and my family’s life. Incidentally, she is the one who recently connected me to the ballet teacher.  This demonstrates how one opportunity can lead to another, or chance encounter. Also, that former marriage taught me great empathy with regard to other people’s experiences of mental health.

Dust: I failed midwifery training and the sequence of events that led to that was brutal. It was a very painful experience of shame, bullying and failure, though I stress I didn’t harm anyone in the process- just for the record.

Gold: From that I left the NHS, not wanting to go back into Nursing which has led me to completely change my career for the better. (See my Story). That dust bowl was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

I could go on. Is there one thing you can reframe in your life?

Rewriting the Story:

We can all choose to tell our story differently by looking at the negatives and asking ourselves what good came out of that experience. What did I learn from it? How has it shaped me into who I am today?  Who came into my life as a result of ‘ that’ happening? Believe me, I have been so blessed in so many ways over the years out of adversity.

This shift in thought is not meant to mask the pain, for you to be in denial that it happened or not to acknowledge the deep wrong or injustice that may have happened to you. But instead, you get to choose what you want to actively do with that experience.

The Victim or the Victor:

Either you allow the regrets to squash and consume you, reduce you to dust or use the dust as fuel for the ember that still flickers. To turn that energy and make something that is gold to help yourself, at least, and maybe others.

I’m not saying I am perfect with this. I can still compare myself to others, that voice of victim hood still wants to grab my attention and whisper in my ear:

“Look what they have. Don’t you wish you had a life like that? Why is it they have just had it so easy? Why did I have to go through all this? “

Then you can look at someone else’s Facebook post who is going through a harder time than you and that somehow soothes you that they are having it worse, and that somehow makes you feel better. Both these reactions I think are fundamentally wrong and awful to feel. Ultimately, I switch the thinking and narrative into this.

“I concentrate on my life and how I am shaping it to how I want it to look like. Crucially what do I have to do to make this happen? No one else is going to do that for me. It’s my responsibility.”

Avoid what brings you down:

I avoid as much as possible depressing news and scrolling through endless social media posts of comparisons. Crucially I have realised I don’t want to feed the same negative feeling in others by putting out to the world what I’m doing. OK, I like photography and enjoy posting holiday pictures as anyone else, but I am just more mindful of what reaction that might trigger in others less fortunate.

My attention is turned to a question. How can my work within the English language industry help others? I look outside of myself more and within the inner dialogue there is less self-absorption and more contribution. This is my driver and which propels me forward, even when I have my ‘down’ days.

This doesn’t mean that my life is all about sacrifice and just living for others. In fact, it needs to have even more self-care and a bit of indulgence. It certainly needs more fun. I don’t know how to have fun, as my life has been so serious for all sorts of reasons. It’s that balance again. Next year, I want to carve out more space, silence, free time and me getting to choose what happens next.

Ultimately, it’s all about empowerment as well as being grateful for the big and little things in life. And when I doubt myself, or have had a particularly hard or stressful time, my words that steady my hand to keep going and keep digging are these:

“Remember just how far you have come!”

Resonate with any of it, or do you have a different angle on life? I would love to know.

Until next week…..