Posts by: Helen Marshall

Hello, I’m back, What’s next and a book everyone should read.

  |   By  |  0 Comments

Footsteps Conversations
Footsteps Conversations
Hello, I'm back, What's next and a book everyone should read.
Loading
/

This audio is not a transcript of this post but a compliment to it. The images are mine and while they are not taken along the Southwest coast of the UK, I felt they reflected the mood of what is written here which discusses The Salt Path, by Raynor Winn. Do read on as this is a book everyone should know about.

An extract from the prologue.

“We ran back down the beach, the swash landing far above the shelf and rushing over the sand towards us.

Wait for the backwash then run to the other side of the channel and up the beach.

I was in awe. This man, who only two months earlier had struggled to put his coat on without help, was standing on a beach in his underpants holding an erected tent above his head and a rucksack on his back saying, run!

Run, run, run!

We splashed through the water with the tent held high and climbed desperately up the beach as the swash pushed at our heels and the backwash tried to push us out to sea. Stumbling through the soft sand, our boots brimming with soft water, we dropped the tent down at the foot of the cliff.”

The Salt Path by Raynor Winn, Page two.

The beginning:

I can’t remember exactly when or where I first heard about this book, but it had been on my list as a ‘maybe’ read for quite some time because it clearly was about walking. After Christmas, with book vouchers in my hand, I decided to walk into our new local bookshop and it was there ready and waiting for me to buy.

I read the first 22 pages and stopped, saying to my husband you must read this. For the next week, it was read by him with a speed that astonished me, as much as this couple running to safety on the beach.

 My husband, who had not read a book from cover to cover in over twenty years, sat and absorbed every page, like the water soaking into the South Coast sand. I knew then that this non-fiction story was very powerful, even before I properly got to read it myself, because of his reaction and the attention it received. He was transfixed, moved, sometimes nearly to tears, as he told me little snippets, not wanting to spoil the story for me. The couple in this novel embarked on an epic journey, walking the 630-mile Southwest Coastal Path.

So, what is so special about this book?

It can be summarised very simply. This is a tale of unbelievable resilience, determination and bravery in the face of the most extreme storms in life. A couple who had lost a legal business dispute, lost their farming business, their home and their life savings in the space of a week. And when you think circumstances couldn’t get any worse, the husband of the couple was diagnosed with a terminal neuro-degenerative illness.

There was nothing to lose because they had lost almost everything:

With £320 left and a barn rental, which meant they were eligible for £48 a week in tax credits, they bought and packed up in two rucksacks, a tent, two light sleeping bags and some essential provisions.

With limited space in mind, they also bought Paddy Dillion’s book ‘The Southwest Coast Path: from Minehead to South Haven Port,’ a small guidebook, with a waterproof cover and an Ordnance Survey Map.

Raynor describes the day they walked away from twenty years of family life, running from the huge chasm that had been left. All they knew was that they just had to walk, to try to process what had happened, to find themselves again, and all that mattered was that they should just start because what else was there to do?

Did they complete the journey?

Yes, they did but I won’t spoil the story for you, you should read it for yourself. They had to walk it the opposite way around from the guidebook because they started with the easiest section first due to the approaching Winter weather. So, they did have to pause and take a break, and what should have been a few weeks took them a year.

At the end of the book, Raynor writes:

“At last I understood what homelessness had done for me. It had taken every material thing I had and left me stripped bare, a blank page at the end of a partly written book. It had also given me a choice, either to leave that page blank or to keep writing the story with hope. I chose hope”

From part six Edgelanders chapter 21 Salted, page 272.

What does this book tell us?

Firstly, to never underestimate the power of walking, Moth (the man in this story) managed to defy all medical odds and walked the path coming out stronger on the other side. More than a decade later he is still alive and started a new career.

That with resilience, bravery, fortitude and courage you can face the most impossible of circumstances. As they walked, they faced hunger, cold, and immense challenges most of us couldn’t have coped with. As they faced the most gruelling conditions, problems,abuse and setbacks, I could feel my brain physically tighten with the pain of the stories’ grip and felt elated when they had a victory however small. It felt so real within the pages.

How did this book speak to me?

Once I had finished it, I thought, how could I ever complain about anything ever again. That my life and its struggles were nothing in comparison to what these two people faced. However bleak or dark your situation looks you have a choice to be the victim or the victor. And how crucially, out of the empty devastating loss, miracles and new things can grow as lives are reborn and shaped into something amazing.

It taught me about the enormous prejudices homeless people face as they were shunned, walked past and ignored as some people withdrew in fear thinking they were no more than criminals, alcoholics or drug addicts.

The amazing power of two people totally committed to each other and a love that endured everything.

What happened after?

We are now reading the sequel ‘The Wild Silence’. And there is one more ‘Landlines’ where they walked from the Scottish Coast back to Cornwall. What I can say without giving away too many details is that they now champion the plight of homelessness. Raynor writes about nature and wild camping and both participate in charity events to raise money for Corticobasal Degeneration, CBD.

What are we now going to do with our own Salt Path?

Having been so inspired by this story, we want to see this path ourselves. We have booked to go to Cornwall in June staying in St Austell, one location near the path. We won’t be wild camping or homeless and we will have more than £48 spending money for the week. In many ways, I think we will feel shallow that it is too easy for us to stand and stare, taking a short walk (as holidaymakers) given our health complaints.

But, I hope we will come away with the enormity of what they did, the respect and admiration, and maybe we can be a little less fearless ourselves in our own lives and be grateful for each and every day with what we do have. I hope so. I will update you once I have read all three and have been on this trip.

The Salt Path by Raynor Winn is published by Penguin Books, Random House UK, 2019 and is being released as a film this year- the Sunday Times best seller and Costa Book Awards, shortlist.

Finally, I hope the people who treated them badly watch this and see their own character starring back at them and will leave a sobering and humble thought.

Until next week….

Looking Back, Moving Forwards at the Year End.

  |   By  |  2 Comments

Footsteps Conversations
Footsteps Conversations
Looking Back, Moving Forwards at the Year End.
Loading
/

When I first had the desire to create this blog, I had to ask myself why I wanted to do it. I knew that this would take time and commitment to write each week. Was my literary offering going to make any real or lasting difference to the way I saw life, got on with my life, and maybe help others to pause to think for a minute about theirs?

Here are some of the main points I have discovered since starting this in April and maybe the odd surprise:

  1. You can produce anything, in spite of the busy and sometimes chaotic life you lead, if you really want to.
  3. Your will and commitment to something matters.
  5. There is always a new way, a different angle when looking at anything.
  7. Small things can often offer the most memory or magic.
  9. That one window into something can often open another door that you were not expecting.
  11. You never know where one action, one chance decision is going to take you. I think of the summer in 2022 when I saw Beth Kempton’s Summer Sanctuary free writing course and thought why not? My inner voice was saying you have no time to do this. My outer voice was saying do it anyway and what a decision which has been so influential.
  13. Life truly is a journey, where each twist and turn connects up to make the path that you had no way of knowing how to put together- it just happened.
  15. Don’t overlook an opportunity but also go with the flow.
  17. Don’t be afraid to try something that maybe doesn’t make sense at the time.
  19. Your habits are everything.
  21. Observe write down- events and experiences. Observations do several things. It helps to ground you when things are tough, and you can look back to learn from them. It can help you slow the mind, calm you down, and help you focus on the things that truly matter to you.
  23. Any regular project worth doing well often takes a huge effort and can get easily derailed if you let other factors get in the way.

Back at the end of the summer, I said I would write in a separate journal over the next six months my travels into winter and out the other side into the spring because I struggle with this time of the year. I have kept it up and am now thinking of going back to my childhood and starting my weather logging again. Something that strangely excites me.

The Big 60 Milestone:

 This year, my 60th has been an incredible and overall, a happy year. I started a list of things I wanted to do, have kept going and growing in my career, improved my home substantially with money that I have been proud to earn, worked incredibly hard, and have loved being a grandparent, though that is hard work too. I have created a beautiful space to work in and have lots to be thankful for.

Writing the Next Year down:

One practice I do every December (encouraged by business and motivation life coach Fiona Brennan) which I have been doing since 2019 is remarkably powerful. I write out the next year in the present tense about what is going to happen as if it were true. In June, I review and tick off what has happened and in December I do a final tally. You would not believe what comes to pass.

I said this year I was going to win something, though it may not be necessarily money. You would not believe how many competitions that have presented themselves. I have taken part in some of them- so far nothing has come of it, or has it? One thing I have done which I have never done before is to enter a poetry competition last month. The results are out in February. What a miracle it would be to come somewhere. But to me, I have won something already far greater- a belief that I can have a go at anything if I put my mind to it.

Magic and Mystery:

Two other events happened around the same time as this which I felt were hugely significant. Someone, I know felt compelled to send me this when she was crafting. I saw that as a sign.

My aunt had seen some jewellery called Angel Whisperer. She had walked past the shop for six weeks and then one day woke up saying Helen must have this and I have no idea why. She jumped on a bus and thought, if the said pieces are still there it is meant to be. She gave them to me in November during my last Oxford trip. I love the symbol of the wings whispering go on Helen, fly high.

She doesn’t even know about my blog, or even what I write about. How I sometimes feel the presence of angels looking after me and my family. I tried to share a little bit of this with her but she is not of the same mind as me so it’s difficult. I think she understood some of it though.

So, as we approach this season of Christmas maybe magic and mystery can truly happen- one where we can dream and ponder, hope and wonder, be inspired, love, and form a deeper connection with something greater than ourselves that cannot be bought, or won, but can be claimed through the power of belief.

May you have a blessed Christmas and a prosperous and happy New Year.

This blog will take a pause now for a rest in January and where I need to turn my attention to my revised work website. But I’ll return at the end of January with fresh content and new ideas. I am excited about next year and I can’t wait to see what happens next….

Happy Christmas and hope you have the start of a prosperous New Year.

Until next time….

Digging for Gold in December

  |   By  |  0 Comments

Unfortunately for the third week running, there is no accompanying audio. Life and the awful weather has prevented me from walking alone to record anything. It will be back next week though.

Three events/observations which happened last week.

  1. I listened to a YouTube video by Peter Sage which has completely changed my perspective on gratitude and maybe it was one I was meant to hear. It’s very powerful and if you ever feel like life isn’t great, then please give this a go. It was a big wake-up call for me. Here it is.

Running alongside this was my idea that I wanted to return to one previous post about success and failure as it had touched one reader’s heart. I hope they read this as it might help them to realise just what qualities they truly have.

A difficult conversation.

Reflection:

Bringing these experiences together, I want to go back to the topic of being grateful and a new word resilience and how I am choosing to think differently from even what I had touched upon a week ago.

Point one:

We can all look at what didn’t go well, the decisions not made, the things we allowed to go on for too long, the people we met, the jobs we had, the divorce that happened, the trust that was broken, the disappointment of what if…….

Point two:

We can allow the very close people we are aligned to influence our narrative. They can try to paint our picture of life mirroring what they think their own looks like. The dark colours they choose can impact the finished result of our own picture, should we choose it too? Note, that we can reject this image.

Point three:

We have a chisel in our hand as far as digging up the past. We can mine for the mud or we can chisel for the gold. For out of every negative experience or perceived failure, you can turn the dust into diamonds or the grime into what shimmers, if you dig hard enough with a different attitude. Now you get to decide whether you want to continue to wear the dust or glow in a new light.

From one of those experiences last week, I recalled a time in 2010 when I had to make such a decision, and it was from that moment onwards that drove me forward to where I am today. I think I may have already mentioned it in one of my blog posts and a major driver in everything I do.

So here are some of my examples of where the dust has been reframed into a golden nugget.

Dust: I didn’t get a chance to do most of what I wanted artistically as a child- ballet classes and piano lessons.

Gold:  The determination to not give up when I have had the opportunity to do things as an adult. Also, to make those opportunities happen. I have had piano lessons for nearly four years and have found someone who does adult ballet classes, but I have chosen not to do the latter- my choice.

Dust: A very traumatic short first marriage.

Gold: It was from that experience I met Jean who many of my friends know is one of the most important people in my and my family’s life. Incidentally, she is the one who recently connected me to the ballet teacher.  This demonstrates how one opportunity can lead to another, or chance encounter. Also, that former marriage taught me great empathy with regard to other people’s experiences of mental health.

Dust: I failed midwifery training and the sequence of events that led to that was brutal. It was a very painful experience of shame, bullying and failure, though I stress I didn’t harm anyone in the process- just for the record.

Gold: From that I left the NHS, not wanting to go back into Nursing which has led me to completely change my career for the better. (See my Story). That dust bowl was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

I could go on. Is there one thing you can reframe in your life?

Rewriting the Story:

We can all choose to tell our story differently by looking at the negatives and asking ourselves what good came out of that experience. What did I learn from it? How has it shaped me into who I am today?  Who came into my life as a result of ‘ that’ happening? Believe me, I have been so blessed in so many ways over the years out of adversity.

This shift in thought is not meant to mask the pain, for you to be in denial that it happened or not to acknowledge the deep wrong or injustice that may have happened to you. But instead, you get to choose what you want to actively do with that experience.

The Victim or the Victor:

Either you allow the regrets to squash and consume you, reduce you to dust or use the dust as fuel for the ember that still flickers. To turn that energy and make something that is gold to help yourself, at least, and maybe others.

I’m not saying I am perfect with this. I can still compare myself to others, that voice of victim hood still wants to grab my attention and whisper in my ear:

“Look what they have. Don’t you wish you had a life like that? Why is it they have just had it so easy? Why did I have to go through all this? “

Then you can look at someone else’s Facebook post who is going through a harder time than you and that somehow soothes you that they are having it worse, and that somehow makes you feel better. Both these reactions I think are fundamentally wrong and awful to feel. Ultimately, I switch the thinking and narrative into this.

“I concentrate on my life and how I am shaping it to how I want it to look like. Crucially what do I have to do to make this happen? No one else is going to do that for me. It’s my responsibility.”

Avoid what brings you down:

I avoid as much as possible depressing news and scrolling through endless social media posts of comparisons. Crucially I have realised I don’t want to feed the same negative feeling in others by putting out to the world what I’m doing. OK, I like photography and enjoy posting holiday pictures as anyone else, but I am just more mindful of what reaction that might trigger in others less fortunate.

My attention is turned to a question. How can my work within the English language industry help others? I look outside of myself more and within the inner dialogue there is less self-absorption and more contribution. This is my driver and which propels me forward, even when I have my ‘down’ days.

This doesn’t mean that my life is all about sacrifice and just living for others. In fact, it needs to have even more self-care and a bit of indulgence. It certainly needs more fun. I don’t know how to have fun, as my life has been so serious for all sorts of reasons. It’s that balance again. Next year, I want to carve out more space, silence, free time and me getting to choose what happens next.

Ultimately, it’s all about empowerment as well as being grateful for the big and little things in life. And when I doubt myself, or have had a particularly hard or stressful time, my words that steady my hand to keep going and keep digging are these:

“Remember just how far you have come!”

Resonate with any of it, or do you have a different angle on life? I would love to know.

Until next week…..

Walking Through December

  |   By  |  2 Comments

This photo was taken at a Christmas tree festival in Fakenham some years ago.

December is a strange month for me. It’s a month of contrasts and contradictions. One half of my brain says it should be a time of excitement as Christmas is coming and I love seeing decorative houses, lights shining and Christmas trees. My dad has always loved Christmas, and I enjoyed taking him around the garden centres full of festive foliage and cheer. It is an activity I shall always cherish. The little Christmas tree he bought us is always on our second-floor window.

But there is also a bleak and dark side of this month for me. Firstly, of course the weather, cold often grey and wet with the dark nights and the shortest days. I am a person who loves the lightness of a spring day. Darkness and cold remind me of the days of depression and a mind full of foggy treacle. And then there is the rush and expectation, the shopping, the spending and the preparation for Christmas and the weight of just getting through it all.

Of course, there is the traditional side of the Christian Christmas- the carol services, Advent wreaths and Christingle service—the Christian message of Christ’s birth and the Star of Bethlehem.  I do believe in the Historical Jesus. There is too much evidence to deny that Christ existed. When I can I try to travel to Walsingham to the Anglian Shrine just to sit in the peace of that place at this time of the year and just forget about all the noise and responsibilities.

 I don’t want to enter into too much discussion about the sensitivity of religion as I respect people of all faiths but while I believe that such a person existed my idea of a God is not of a ‘man’ in the sky looking over us. I believe God is everywhere, in the trees and in the air. God is energy for me that we can align with, and tap into, where we can enter a state of physical presence and where prayers are answered by tapping into the Laws of Attraction and Vibration. These laws are science-based and are ones that Einstein believed in.

I have digressed somewhat so I will come back to this blog post’s main message. This year, especially as November sprung some surprises, early planning of Christmas has been a lifesaver and up to this point a lot more manageable. Christmas budgets were set and saved for since September and at the time of writing only two more presents are left to buy.

There is a downsizing to this part of the year as well.  There is an intentional aspect of care in how people should be thanked and who should be contacted. Rather than a quick message on a Christmas card, long-distance relatives (on my husband’s side) will be phoned. The menu for Christmas Eve and Day has already been decided upon. For several years, my husband and I forwent presents, making sure others had theirs when money was tight, but this year there will be something under the tree chosen by us for each other. Last year, there was nothing and that felt a bit sad and sparse.

I am really enjoying Beth Kempton’s Calm Christmas Podcast, easily found on Spotify, Instagram of Facebook. It comes out every Thursday and I’m looking forward to her Winter Sanctuary writing course which begins on December the 28th.  

So far, I am managing reasonably well. Let’s see how I feel by Boxing Day.

How does December feel for you?

Until next week…..

Walking towards Gratitude

  |   By  |  0 Comments


What is gratitude? Currently, It’s such a buss word. It is spoken and written about everywhere and could be seen as overused, like a dose of gratitude can heal everything in an instant. You say the word, swallow the medicine, and convince yourself that everything is going to be OK. It sits around in your system soothing your pain for four to six hours. It might be enough to lift your spirits or the effect wears off. So, you then try to be thankful for something else to get that same effect. A drug with no nasty side effects. Or is it really like that?


The last two week have been very tough here. My family was wiped out with a nasty virus as I was in Oxford doing my supporting role for my ‘adoptive mother.’ The washing machine had broken, the water tank had leaked and I was having a wobble, as over £1K of bills rolled in. My car had just had a service too. It triggered my anxiety around money and I had to say to myself:

“It’s OK, your new budgeting system covers it, and just trust that the next invoice will pay off the kitchen. You are so close now. Be proud of what you have financially achieved this last year.”


This week’s post tackles a subject I have been putting off talking about because my relationship with the word ‘gratitude’ is partially uneasy and could be construed as negative. We have peddled gratitude like it’s a holy grail in the personal development world. One we must adhere to, be subscribed to, and sign up for.


Going back to my time in Oxford, I slipped momentarily into the victim, why me mode. After all, we are all human. The latest text message arrived which my aunt read out to me. Her son was doing some amazing things in New Zealand and this little voice inside my head said:


“ And what are you doing? Walking around in yet another charity shop which you frequent from here to Norfolk. That’s your main social outlet isn’t it, apart from walking around the periphery of an estate and managing to go to an odd concert or two.”


I stopped myself in my tracks and pulled out the old gratitude medicine from its invisible first-aid box. A little voice in my head said:


“But your grandson is OK and doesn’t have what you suspected. Your recent mammogram this time is clear, someone is coming to help take the door off the new kitchen to get the old washing machine out and help put the new one in (because our kitchen is just so small) Just count your blessings.”


However, deep down this is my problem with being grateful. The pain I feel when I see people scrapping around in a huge dust bowl of adversity trying to find the traces of gold to soothe their life which never seems to get easier. Life isn’t fair. I know of good people who stay poor and rich people who aren’t very nice. I know of people whose life is blessed and everything seems to fall into place. I know people who have one struggle after another.

Then you think of all that is going on in war-torn areas of the world and say to yourself how is gratitude helping them right now? It’s not stopping them from getting bombed, and killed with no reason or justice. Try saying to them just be grateful, they would rightly probably slap you in the face. Can you feel my anger rising here?


So you could justifiably say gratitude works only when you are fortunate enough to have enough basics in life as a good starting point. And it helps hugely not to be in the most deprived and war-torn areas of the world. Maybe gratitude then and its results is rather selective.


Yet, there is a huge body of evidence to say why gratitude is beneficial to us in so many ways. How our brains physically light up and change when we are grateful and how we can sleep better when our last thought of the day is one of a positive state. It programs our minds so that when we wake up the next day, we are off to a better start.


For me, I need to read Victor Frankl ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ – reflections upon surviving a Nazi Concentration camp. It’s been on my book list for a while. What I do know is that a victim status is a no, go, it gets you nowhere and we should aim to find gratitude in the smallest of places, but at the same time, if we are not happy about something then, if we can, we should act to seek change.


If I want to stop having a social life mainly walking around charity shops, then it’s up to me to make it happen. I have started an Australia fund to realise a dream which is to see my penfriend of 40 years in Perth. Something I have always wanted to do.


Finally, I will write about this subject again as I learn more about the research supporting the powerful effect of being grateful, as well as a shift in my attitude towards it. I leave you with a question. What is your relationship with gratitude? I appreciate I haven’t given you any clear answers, one way or the other.

Here is a reference for you to read more about the benefits of gratitude if you wish to explore it further.

Until next week….

Image number one from Lisa Angel Floral Positivity Flip Chart, Norwich

A New Habit Hack

  |   By  |  2 Comments

Good morning here in the beautiful city of Oxford where I have come for a pre-Christmas visit to my aunt, and this week my post will be briefer.

I have just finished my new habit/task ignited by changing one word and I am impressed so far with the results. Intrigued and want to know more? well, it’s surprisingly simple.

We all have to-do lists, and we all know that to-do lists, in terms of getting things done can be like a pack of cards. You shuffle things around, move things onto the back burner and shuffle again, so the tasks are at the top of the pack. Then you put the cards away until you get them out again a week later and realise nothing major has really budged. You have remembered that but forgotten something else. A new pressing job has come into play, and you put that as a priority. This gets done but the harder stuff, like accounts and emails for me, just gets pushed back for another week.

Emails are one task that I was, note the past tense, hopeless at sorting out. So, I changed one word on my tasks board at home. The to-do list became my accountability list. People can have accountability partners to hold themselves accountable for getting things done. However, I have never asked anyone to do this because I don’t want to burden them with another task, i.e. managing me.

How to Bridge the Gap between trying and doing.

No, I must learn to manage myself more effectively. As a start, I put at the top of my accountability list, delete 50 emails and unsubscribe to one until you have smashed the 4000 emails sitting in your inbox commencing the week of 4th November. Reduce, clear, unsubscribe, repeat and don’t let yourself down. And it has worked and not only that, the 50 emails deletion have become 100 and the one unsubscribing has turned into two. My inbox is now currently is sitting at just over 2000.

I now have an inbox not on red alert anymore because it is nearly full and by streamlining what I really want to keep on my mailing list I am reducing the mental clutter of information overload. I waste a lot of time clearing this word pile down when it could be spent elsewhere. Up to now, it’s been highly inefficient, hot and cold and hit and miss.

What’s next.

The next task is to pick one area of the many subscribers I sign up to and hone in on that one bite-sized piece of news. That will be next week’s accountability.

For next week, I am preparing two work meetings to go over some of the features here in this blog, among other plans, as next year I am completely revamping my professional website. This includes evaluating all my work to date with some important changes on where I want to focus my efforts.

 Therefore, I have decided to take next week off my blog and concentrate on what needs to be done. This will be time well spent.

I will be back in two weeks.

Until then, I leave you with my favourite walk here at Shotover Country Park, a location of my youth and a place of many special memories.

A Force of Habit

  |   By  |  2 Comments

Footsteps Conversations
Footsteps Conversations
A Force of Habit
Loading
/

( The audio is not a transcription but acts as an introduction to this blog post. and recorded at the weekend.)

There are books written just about Habits, how to form good ones, and how to discard the bad, so this post can only touch the surface. Therefore, I see this as an introduction and some thoughts on the effects of developing better routines and ways to organise your time and your life.

Some of you may have heard of James Clear, the giant in this field. The subject of how simple tasks repeated multiple times equaling compelling results. This momentum creates a clear line. A line that separates who gets ahead and who gets left behind.

Small efforts over time is the path to choose:

Habits in themselves as tasks are often very easy to do but the action of doing them consistently to create a long-lasting benefit is often one that people fail on, me included.

In his book ‘Atomic Habits’ James’ title suggests there is a power of great magnitude at play here which when utilised can move mountains and catapult us like atomic bombs into the stratosphere of success.

His Newsletter 3-2-1 is one that I never bypass each Thursday to read in my inbox. Both James, and Darren Hardy in his book ‘The Compound Effect’ write about the 1% marker in improvement in small and seemingly insignificant efforts producing remarkable results when compounded over time.

We know this works within the laws of financial Investment so why not within the laws of one own self and the way we go about doing things, or not doing them? Alternatively, we all know what happens when the ship or the plane is of course by 1% and as James writes:

“Conversely, if you get 1% worse each day for one year, you’ll decline nearly down to zero from the 37% increase if you became 1% improved at something.” Habits are the compound interest in self-improvement.

But you may ask, I am comfortable with where I am so why should I bother?

Well, a positive effect of developing better ways of doing things, or to be frank making better life choices in one’s action have an overwhelming effect on productivity, lack of stress, more knowledge, potentially better income and can lead to more meaningful relationships.

Ask yourself one question. What one annoying thing do I want to shift out of my life? What is stopping you from doing it? I think we all have at least one habit we would like to ditch.

The Habit Stack:

In ‘Atomic Habits’ James talks about how to make a new habit stick and it’s by a system called Habit Stacking. Simply, this is where you build a new activity from a previous action already ingrained and running on autopilot. An example for me would be once I wake up, I drink a glass of water. To give you the best chance of success, have the glass ready and full on the bedside locker the night before. Similarly, have your clothes ready the night before to get straight into them in the morning so you can start your day. I forgot to do this two night ago and spent 10 minutes rummaging around as to what I should wear in the ironing pile and wardrobe.

Peter Sage also suggests that setting up your day the night before is crucial to how the day is going to start.  This may sound all rather boring and almost obsessional, but it works when you have a brain like mine, that can easily get distracted or you forget to do something. This is the prime reason why my habits fail- I simply forget to remember because the new action isn’t as yet automatic. How many times have you done something because that’s always the way you have done it? Here at home, we are learning to put the car keys in a new place and is a good example since having our new kitchen.

Why does this matter?

Consistency can start well but then slack off. This is my number one trait and habit killer. We start out with good intentions but then fall off the wagon. Often, I have to say to myself just start where you left off. I then ask the question, why do some habits stick better than others?

I suppose it’s all about how much you really want to change and can see the benefit from it. In his book ‘Make Your Bed’, the author states that the first thing you should do in the morning is make your bed because it sets the scene for the new day and psychologically creates a tone that sleep is over. This is done daily by me now and it has a very powerful effect.

Mel Robbins also talks about the five-second rule as far as getting up. Count to five and move. For me, that’s much harder to do.

Joshua Becker (Minimalist writer) encourages us that if you can do something in a minute or less, don’t put it off, do it, that’s really powerful especially when it comes to washing the dishes and having a tidy kitchen as a starting point in the morning. But when it comes to the big decisions that takes you away from comfort zones and procrastination the effect can be even more profound. Before publishing this I sent an email this morning asking for a meeting which could shape my professional work for 2025. This all feels really good which brings me to another point- that feeling of being in control and when things work well.

What has this meant for me?

Certainly, I would not have achieved as much in the last 10 years if I hadn’t adopted these principles. This blog would easily have been a thought still inside my head and not a reality. For me, time management and day efficiency, a commitment to get something finished and discipline have all been built into my life because of some non-negotiable habits I have created for myself.

What is the number one enemy of a new habit?

I’m afraid to say it but loved ones are the enemy and external extractions. Yes, the people we live with can ‘stuff us up’ and pull us of course. We fit in and conform to other people’s desires and weaken against their own bad habits.

“Would you like a chocolate dear from the goodie bag?” says my husband post Halloween as I fail miserably at drastically reducing my sugar intake once and for all. As I am writing this, there is the ping of the phone telling me I have a message that I am curious to respond to.

Now it’s time to get moving and out for my walk. I have managed three walks within one hour of waking this last week, a first and yes, I have been sleeping better as a result.

Until next time when I share one new hack with you I have introduced into my life since writing this. I will be partly working in Oxford where I am going for a pre- Christmas visit to a relative, another example of how I have built freedom into my life to do what I want and when.

Have a great week.

References: Atomic Habits, James Clear, 2018, Penguin Random House, UK page 15.

Moving Towards Improved Brain Health

  |   By  |  2 Comments

It was the year 2010 and Dad, then aged 82, had come downstairs early, as he always did and sat in his chair, savouring the quiet morning. Only on this day, something didn’t feel quite right. Meanwhile, two doors down the road, an elderly bed-bound neighbour had accidentally pulled her alarm call button and this had triggered an ambulance response. Dad visited her daily to fetch the coal in for her fire and a chat. He later said she had been his guardian angel that day and had saved his life or prevented permanent disability.

Mum came downstairs and phoned my brother (in a panic) who then phoned 999. Dad couldn’t speak. The call came into the ambulance crew’s radio who were now two doors down. Realising the neighbour had made a call error, they were with my dad within five minutes and he received the magic of the Golden Hour, as far as receiving first-line treatment. Dad had suffered a major stroke.

By the time I managed to get to the James Paget hospital in Gt Yarmouth that evening ( my nursing team said we were too busy for me to get the time off work) I remember him sitting in the chair, his hands behind his head wondering what all the fuss was about. He made a full recovery.

However, it wasn’t long after that his eyesight started to deteriorate, and macular degeneration was diagnosed. Suddenly his life was turned upside down with a severe loss of sight. Woodturning, painting and driving were all gone very quickly. Approximately, 10 years after his stroke, cognitive impairment was diagnosed and this then proceeded to vascular dementia. A cerebral vascular accident is a known risk factor for vascular dementia and can occur within ten years of the incident. Dad fitted this time pattern.

Vascular and Alzheimer’s dementia are two words, along with other forms of dementia which sends a shudder through anybody who knows the living reality of this disease. Not seen as a medical disease but as a social disease, it robs people slowly of everything, slowly, cruelly and bit by bit. Loss of independence, loss of dignity, homes sold to cover care costs, life savings reduced to almost nothing and eventual loss of life.

Dementia is now the biggest killer in the UK from figures in 2022 and there is still no cure. But what is being discovered is how crucial vascular health is to our brain health. Whilst we mustn’t dismiss our fight against cancer and heart disease itself, people are beginning to sit up and take notice that our brain, the powerhouse to everything, deserves a more thorough look at how we care for it and what must do to protect it, to give us any chance of preventing or slowing the risk of dementia.

This last week, I watched on You Tube, The Diary of a CEO and Steve Bartlett who was discussing brain health with an eminent neuroscientist. He held a human brain in his hands. It was one of the whose epiphany moments for me. Steve spoke about how every thought, intelligence, creation, life event, experience, grief, job, hope, relationship is within this soft ball of what feels like tofu. What an incredible thing the brain is and how it contains everything about who we are.

There is still so much we don’t know about this organ. Some people firmly believe that the power of the mind can heal disease. Louise Hay in her book  ‘You Can Heal Your Life’ ( see My Library) refers to her cure of a gynaecological cancer and Mary Morrissey ( another personal development mentor and manifestor ) talks of the power of the mind as she was cured of a potentially fatal kidney disease. I also see on X (Twitter) amazing people who are defying all the odds with stage 4 cancer because of utilising the power of the brain. Whatever you might think, I believe there is something in this to be noted.

In this interview, Dr Wendy Suzuki emphasises that exercise, enough to raise our heartbeat, is key to keeping what she calls a physically healthy big, fat, and fluffy brain. A brain that has the ability to have neuroplasticity—changing and developing new neural connections by challenging it, learning new things, and having strong social connections.

I also believe stress plays a huge part too in the development of Cerebral Vascular Disease. My dad walked a lot and was very fit and active but that didn’t stop him from having a stroke. The stress of caring for my long-term sick mother I feel played a crucial part in this.

From last week’s post looking at sleep, to my post Ikigai- finding your meaning and purpose, there seems to be a cycle that comes around to a full circle of where what we do, how we feel, our habits and actions all influences our brain health.

We have to start asking the question what are we doing today that could harm this incredible piece of tofu-like substance that literally houses everything that has happened to us and shapes who we are?

I would encourage anyone to look at the full interview with Steve Bartlet here, especially the first hour.

Similar to last week’s post on sleep, I can’t say everything here in one attempt and more will follow over subsequent weeks. For now, I leave you to look at two of my early morning walk photo from a local RSPB nature reserve Snettisham as one of my activities to get better sleep ( one factor crucial for brain health) and ask yourself how well do I look after my brain?

Until next time, where we begin a topic that is a focal point of everything- our habits.

Image of brain copyright accessed @microsoft.com October 29th 2024

Walking Towards Better Sleep

  |   By  |  One Comment

Footsteps Conversations
Footsteps Conversations
Walking Towards Better Sleep
Loading
/

( The following audio is not a transcript but as an accompaniment to this blog post. It sets the scene and I hope you might listen to this first.)

In her book ‘52 Ways to Walk’, the author Annabel Streets focuses in chapter 10 research which states that if you take a walk within one hour of waking then this will help you sleep better at night. Light helps to set up our body clock for the day. If we expose ourselves to it within one hour of waking, this enables every cell in our body to set themselves up as their own timekeepers. So, in effect by walking early in the day, you are creating a signal later on that it is time for bed.

Get-up and start moving:

Annabel further explains that you don’t need a long walk to get this effect. Just 10 minutes is enough and don’t be deterred by cloudy or rainy weather, like I have previously. Even dull days can provide enough lumens- one measure of light- to produce results that are more effective than indoor lighting can provide.

In addition, morning light triggers the feel-good factor hormone serotonin giving us a boost to get our day going and crucially this converts to melatonin later in the day to help us sleep at night. However, our light sensitivity is at its lowest first thing in the morning. We need a burst of light to help us wake up and this sets our circadian rhythms, essential for a good night’s rest.


The late Dr Michael Mosley also re-enforced this message in his Podcast and book ‘Just One Thing’ about how to live better both physically and emotionally. It is listed here as number one in this reference.

My own experiences of sleep disruption:

There are many reasons why we can sleep badly, and I too have had periods of acute insomnia. Usually, this has been when my brain simply can’t switch off at night because I have had something specific on my mind, or I have simply worked too late and my brain is still active. I’ve also noticed any late-night phone screen time particularly plays havoc with my sleep pattern.

Personally, I know I should have my phone out of the bedroom and get an alarm clock if I need to set one. However, my problem is I like to have it with me because of the sleep meditations I do at night on YouTube. Night meditations have really helped calm my mind before bed and sometimes I have fallen asleep with them playing in the background.

However, my mild phone addiction means I can’t help but sometimes scroll on social media before settling down or absorbing yet more content online ranging from all my favourite channels, to simply watching how to do calligraphy, (the very thing I’m learning in the evenings to help me get away from screens). Hence, it can be a vicious cycle because I find it hard to put the phone down, and that disrupts not only when I turn the light off but also how much blue light I have been absorbing. I’m not sure what the answer to this is.

 I also nightly mist my pillow with lavender spray. This may act simply as a placebo effect but it is something I enjoy and it has a soothing smell. My friend regularly provides a nice one from Avon and it is something I don’t want to be without.

Having a reduced body temperature at night also aids sleep, so keeping bedrooms at a cooler temperature will also help. I sleep with light covers and no heating on in the bedroom, but then I do live in a three-storey house and the heat rises. My bedroom is neither too cold nor too hot.

The Menopause and Sleep Disruption:

The menopause is also a challenging time for women with regards to sleep. This did affect me for a short period of time. I mention this briefly as I have no real experience of how traumatic this stage of life can be, but I do appreciate that it can affect women badly and in many different ways.  I would encourage any women reading this to leave a comment about these experiences, if they feel able, and any suggestions which might help. At least there appears to be more professional advice available something that our mothers never had.


Sleep is such a huge topic that one blog post can only touch the surface of a sleep’s pillow. My aim is to set aside one week of mornings where I will get up and walk within one hour of waking every day to record what effect this has. So far my attempts have been feeble as often it has started to rain. Yesterday, I got up and got out and I felt really good afterwards. My day started and went really well for the rest of it, and I noticed I had more energy and focus. Do say what works for you and what also contributes to your own poor sleep quality, if you feel able to share, so we all might get a better night’s rest.


Until next week and thanks for stopping by for anyone new here…….

References: I hope these will help you to further explore this subject.

52 Ways to Walk, Annabel Street, Chapter 10, page 45-46 Bloomsbury Publishing 2022.

Dr Michael Mosley Just One Thing Podcast

Why we sleep badly https://personalbrandingblog.com/if-you-want-to-wake-up-feeling-refreshed-and-energized-say-goodbye-to-these-bedtime-habits/ 

The benefits of sleep www.sleepfoundation.org/how-sleep-works/benefits-of-sleep

Getting a better nights sleep-support and advice https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/mental-wellbeing-tips/how-to-fall-asleep-faster-and-sleep-better/

Why Sitting is not Good for Us. (Part 2)

  |   By  |  3 Comments

We are busier than ever and there is a general belief that we should pause, be still and slow down to not get overwhelmed, stressed or burnt out. But what does good quality stillness look like, given the research that tells us we should be moving more? Stillness doesn’t necessarily have to equate to the silence of the body, but stillness within our mind. We can walk, move, breathe more and still experience a quietness of the soul.

You have probably heard of the expression the busy but sedentary lifestyle. I typically have fallen into this category with my life and its demands. However, it is sobering to look at the data to see why sitting at our desks, or in front of the TV after a hard day at work is killing us.

 Here are some facts:

These are quoted from reference one at the beginning of Mel Robbins’ Podcast featured on YouTube.

A study of 800 people found that you had a higher risk of the following for people who sat the most.

A 112% increased risk of diabetes.

A 147 % increased risk of heart disease.

A 90% increased risk of death caused by heart disease.

An overall increased risk of death by 50%

It is also stated that there appears to be a direct link between sitting and our ability to cope with stress and burnout. When we move a whole cascade of chemical reactions occur that benefits us both mentally as well as physically.

What I do to move more and the challenges I have faced:

Getting up in the morning:

I drink a glass of water first thing and get out of bed as soon as possible, even if I return to it, and I mostly do if it’s early. I’m not great with morning exercise, often skipping it but when I go downstairs (We have a house with three flights of stairs which is good.) I do 10 minutes on my ankle peddle machine. The knee rotation of a cycle action is the best thing for my arthritic knees. I do this every day.

Workday:

This has been a game changer for me, not just in performance planning lessons and my working week productivity but also in being able to move more.

I always thought setting timers for work seemed quite rigid and almost obsessive but they work brilliantly for me. I set my phone alarm every half an hour when I lesson plan. It helps me settle and focus on the task at hand, then the alarm goes off and I stop, pause, take my weights and stretch. I look out of the window, soak up the view in the distance and walk up and down the room for a couple of minutes. Then I return for another work session. I do this every 30 minutes for a total of 90, then have a tea break. I then return for another 90 minutes of work, repeating the routine, before stopping for a longer break. This is the best way I have found to get exercise incorporated within my working day and it’s quick and easy to do and crucially I do it!

In the Kitchen:

Making tea, I just move, my knees and hips usually, to loosen them up, often with some sidewalks or kickbacks while the kettle is on. I do some hip rotations and abdo pull-up’s, good for us post-menopausal ladies and a weakened pelvic floor. This is good for my back. I do this whilst waiting for the kettle to boil.

Watching TV:

I just remember to intentionally get up, move, and stand even when I’m watching a programme, or get a drink but just move for a few seconds.

Meal prep:

I have no dishwasher. I have longed for a dishwasher for decades, but since recently having a new kitchen, I now enjoy washing up with a bigger sink and see the benefits of it. We need to return to some manual tasks if we can, rather than every device doing it for us. I don’t have Alexa, another AI gadget that is making everyone not even throw the lights switches on. This is not good for us.

Standing desk;

I don’t have a standing desk because of my back problems. I find standing in one spot difficult for me and personally think standing for long periods isn’t necessarily good either. It’s not certainly not good for anyone with varicose veins as I’m also a past example of that. However, I will leave a link in the references below if you think it might work for you, as I have read there are benefits to standing whilst working. This source has some new information for me to reconsider.

Housework:

 I would love a cleaner if I could afford one. I took a cleaning job to help ends meet once in a school. It nearly killed my joints. The massive hoovering alone saw my back in two after three days and a trip to the chiropractor. I managed this job for three months. So now I do small amounts of housework, but realise getting a cleaner at 60 years of age is not a good idea. It’s that balance of letting age not get the better of you, as well as being realistic about what you can do whilst staying active. Housework helps us with strength and resistance exercise, something we must have if we are older as muscle mass becomes less and we are more prone to falling. Balance is also key to not falling. I stand on one leg regularly if I do some yoga practice.

Gardening:

I wish I could do this more. Weeding, bending and digging kills my back and knees but I do small amounts and sit on a stool, rather than kneel. We have a small manageable garden here at home. There is a whole stack of research as to why gardening is good for us and on the list of social prescribing activities from GP surgeries to benefit our physical and mental well-being. I will leave a link in the reference list below.

Walking:

This is what I can do the best. I can’t swim (water phobia) and can walk for up to an hour comfortably. I am better when I can stop, rest, and then carry on. I have a lovely walking friend who is aware of my needs, and we walk for just the amount of time for me. She hasn’t said anything but I’m aware of this and am grateful she still hangs out with me as her walking buddy. The above photo was taken last week when walking was incorporated into looking after my grandson. You will see my husband with a pushchair in the distance.

Built-in routines:

I have started Pilates on a Monday night for one hour at a local centre. If I have built in an activity during my day I have paid or committed to go to I will do it. Saying I will do some exercise in my bedroom usually means I won’t do it. I’ve just completed my third weekly session. I can’t do all of the exercises, adapting where I need to.I am shocked at how rigid and inflexible I really am, as someone who has been active and relatively fit all her life. I hope to improve and after the third session (this Monday) felt I had slightly.

Smartwatch :

A friend commenting on last week’s post mentioned he uses a smartwatch as an alarm set to get moving. I don’t have one but maybe it should be on my present list. Have a look here and see what you think.

So these are my thoughts and conclusions so far. This is a big topic which I’m sure I will return to. Hope it has been helpful and thought-provoking as to how much you sit and what you might like to do to change that, given the science available to us so far. I’m sure this is going to become a much ‘hotter’ topic in the future as more evidence emerges as to how long periods of sitting is detrimental to us.

Next week, I want to turn my attention to the subject of sleeping.

Until next time, take care…..

References;

Mel Robbins Podcast https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyIboe6YzjU&t=369s

Why gardening is good for us at https://www.rhs.org.uk/advice/health-and-wellbeing/articles/why-gardening-makes-us-feel-better

Is sitting is the new smoking? https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6187798/ This is a critical look at the evidence. The conclusion from this paper is that the two carry very different risks, and while sitting for longer periods is detrimental, it can’t be compared in the same way as the dangerous effects of smoking.

I hope I have given you some food for thought.