The audio is not a transcription and leads us into the subject of today. I would recommend listening to this first. It is less than two minutes long.
( This picture was taken while I was sitting for a few minutes in York Minster this last week)
I returned from York last Sunday. There had been a lot of sitting in the car because of the traffic due to road closures and accidents. Getting to our destination had taken several hours. What should have taken three hours took much longer.
Thinking about this week’s post, I have decided to focus on the subject of sitting. Why is it so bad for us, and what can we do within our C21st lifestyle to mitigate its risks caused by it? Upon returning home I started to listen to a Podcast by Mel Robbins about the subject and felt this was worth exploring. So here is what I am going to do.
Over the next week, I am going to consciously think of ways I can increase my standing and mobility whilst working from a desk largely at home. Also, to consider how long I spend driving to and from work and going about my day- to- day life. I will record what I have done and how I have felt. Simultaneously, I will gather more information about the benefits of not sitting still for long and crucially the statistics for why sitting for long periods is so bad for us.
I will then share these results in my next week’s post. In the meantime, you might want to think about your own occupation and whether sitting for long periods has been a problem for you, or something you want to do something about.
Having both a long-standing back problem and osteo-arthritis of both knees was a big factor in my decision to start walking, knowing this activity helps. Now, I think the evidence suggests this goes way further than maintaining general fitness and joint mobility levels.
That’s all I want to say for this week as I am getting back into my new weekly work routine which is largely going well. Do listen to the audio if you haven’t, as it is a good connection to this post and demonstrates how I like to keep this blog on the move as I record whilst going about my daily life.
I have been participating in a deep journaling exercise with writer Beth Kempton running over 36 days. With one question prompt a day, it explores impermanence, transition, loss and some big life questions. Simultaneously, over the weekend, I went on my first-ever barge retreat for the day and met four lovely ladies all escaping the pressures of the world and the pressures placed upon themselves. It was a gorgeous experience and one which shall be mentioned again, in connection with another post. I had never done anything like this before.
Time:
One of the questions in Beth’s journaling prompts was what is your relationship with time? The subject is worthy of a whole post, so for now, I will mention it briefly. The subject has been a focal conversation point in our household over the past three weeks. I felt my relationship with time was healthy. Now, I am beginning to wonder if this is truly the case.
Emerging Order:
The internet was finally restored only last Monday. It was an outside junction problem and order finally resumed in my life. I had thought about the subject of this week’s post and various subjects were swirling around and no one subject was settling. I was still in a deeply unsettled state of mind and finding focus again was hard.
Surprise:
To my surprise, my husband announced I had a ‘wobble’ last week. He had noticed it and said it was subtle. The way I speak and act changes. When I questioned him more, he said it was hard to describe. This was a surprise to me as I knew I felt under pressure but hadn’t noticed anything so very different to how I normally am. The month of September had certainly felt like a month of muddle when I was supposed to have had a break from work and ready to go back refreshed.
I am mentioning this only to say I think when you have experienced depression and anxiety in the past, little blips can occur. This doesn’t mean you can’t function and do well in your career and most people won’t notice. You can put on a good front and hide behind a curtain of competence and confidence but people closest to you notice, and it’s good to be reminded that maybe, it’s time to take stock. You aren’t invincible.
Control:
I suppose this highlights my need for certainty, of control and that fear and panic can quickly take over when things don’t go the way I had planned them. I have talked to my daughter about this, and several positive things have resulted because of the last three weeks.
1)I have a new working week routine with a strict boundary around other times. This includes boundaries around people.
2) The calendar for October and November is to stay largely blank.
3) Free Friday is being created. This is my time and my new day off. I choose what I do and with whom, or just on my own, leaving weekends for family etc.
4 ) I now largely use voice messaging on Facebook and Whats App. It’s more time efficient and saves typing text to message/ reply to friends and contacts.
5) What we eat here is now on the top of the list as far as time is concerned, not an afterthought. My boat day facilitated by an ex-Bali restaurant owner taught me that what we put into our bodies should be a top priority and not way down the list of to-do’s after work. There will be a dedicated time to meal plan at the end of each week, ready for the next.
6) I intend to enjoy the autumn and create more pause just to appreciate this change in the season. Observations and how noticing that the field from my bedroom window seems more brown than in August appear to be sharper. I plan to have a solo photography day with my Fuji bridge camera rather than just snapping from my phone.
Walking again:
I’m only just getting back into walking. It had largely stopped. You might think that previously, I had carved out significant amounts of time for this, and take myself off to new trails and locations each week. However, this is where my authenticity comes into play. I don’t lead a charmed life, where any reader might feel that creating a walking and writing life is hard to achieve. I am just an ordinary woman leading a life like many of us do with struggles and challenges with limited time and disposable income. I feel this is my blog’s strength in being this example.
Most of my walks are just snatches in time and taken within a couple of miles from where I live. There is nothing glamorous about it or showcasing weekly beautiful settings and numerous holidays. My writing is five to ten minutes at night before bed, such as the recent journaling exercises, or in the morning when I write these posts. And yes, they have been a challenge to do but one which helps me make sense of my world and hope it might resonate with you.
I have a lot of new subjects to talk about from these recent experiences. I am off to York tomorrow for a short break as there was no summer holiday this year. I hope to be inspired and see what next week’s post will bring your way.
I am currently sitting at my neighbour’s kitchen table typing this out. The internet at home is ‘down’ again, despite a new router and an engineer from OpenReach coming out two days ago. I am using this window of opportunity so there is a post to send hopefully on time, having got essential work done first.
Two weeks ago, my new term of work was all worked out. I had a new way of dividing my hours between work and leisure time. I was setting new boundaries and permitting myself to take more care of myself. I had finished a book on mental resilience and was soon put to the test.
I intended to walk first thing in the morning (15-30 mins) and devote the first hour of my day where I didn’t look at anything online, starting work, emails, or jumping onto social media to answer messages. My priority was to have the first one hour for myself, then work would naturally follow on, having had a good start to my day.
Since then, all the best-paid plans have been thrown out of the window. This was supposed to be my fresh approach to autumn, feeling recharged after the summer break and ready to go. I try hard to look after myself but this morning my brain was fried and overwhelmed.
There is a grumbling health problem going on. It might be something; it might be nothing. I managed to go to work last week and connect with a fellow teacher as promised. The student numbers were down but that is understandable given I have just had the summer off and people were still on leave themselves. It felt good to be back.
Being self-employed you get paid by results and how much value you give. There is no paid sick leave or annual leave. That comes with the territory. If you don’t work then you don’t get paid-simple. On Friday afternoon, my default place was the local book shop and I headed straight to the nature and walking session.
I am taking tomorrow off as it’s a Sunday and my aim is to do a good job on Monday. I have learnt over the past couple of years that sometimes you have to take one day at a time. My writing here is not to provide answers, or to give words of wisdom but say how it feels. Ultimately, I am writing to say that sometimes all the best-laid plans frazzle and I wasn’t expecting to feel as ‘rubbish’ as I do with lesson plans swirling around in my head.
Nothing feels even and settled yet, and stress is running high, but my walks and writing here will help me come out the other side. On social media (through my phone data) I see other people relaxing on holidays, and weekends away and saying to myself I need more of this too. It’s hard not to feel what if…….
Monday update:
I managed to tune into a live writing group session on Saturday evening and that was very helpful in restoring a calmer mind. Unexpectedly, my home WiFi fired into life late that night. Sunday morning arrived and I had the final missing piece (an idea for an activity for my Monday class) and got straight back on it. By 09.00 I could finally park what I needed to do and my day off was good. In the shower, a revised website design and offer which I had been mulling over dawned on me.
Looking back from all of this, I realise that despite all the disruption and what felt like chaos something else was being born. The teacher I had spoken to earlier in the week was creating something good to support other new TEFL teachers, post-conversation, and I could be part of that. It was becoming clearer how all my strands of work could be put into one hat.
Finally, our walks through life can be little more than staggers sometimes. It certainly has felt like that these past 10 days, with both a working laptop and the internet crashing out within 24 hours of one another. There are no neat pathways. The weeds grow and try to strangle you as challenges rise out of the ground and I haven’t figured out how I could have done anything differently. You can’t just stop when there are deadlines but only navigate the difficulties the best way you can with alternative solutions.
And yes, I had thought of retiring, taking a bag and walking shoes and setting off with no fixed destination. That isn’t an option though. I do have a break planned at the end of September.
Wednesday Morning.
It was important to me to get this post out somehow as a blog’s life needs consistency. However, I still feel very up and down and have a tight week’s schedule ahead to get back on track. Therefore, I am giving myself some slack and will return in two weeks and hopefully with a less stressed out and tired mind to write something that will be useful and engaging.
The audio was recorded this last Sunday and sets the scene to the text. Do listen first, if you wish.
To illustrate how I find writing so useful, I will briefly describe a stressful situation.
Last week, my laptop suddenly lost all power, then the internet went down, and this last Sunday, just as I was about to begin teaching after five weeks of summer holiday, I fell ill. On Sunday morning I got out of bed groggy, a body like lead with pains and thought I had a virus or infection.
My router had been changed but had malfunctioned again. Open reach was booked to come out to see what the problem was. My lesson for the next day was finished (using internet data on my mobile phone and pen and paper) but I didn’t know whether I would be well enough to return to work. My two lessons for Wednesday were unfinished and swirling around in my head. My students were waiting to start again and I had promised a teacher (not from England) a Zoom call on a Monday afternoon. I went out for a walk to get some air and to try and feel better.
Earlier in the week, when this change of events started to kick off, I got my present journal out and started writing. With all this going on, including a new kitchen installation planned months ago for the summer (so we could eat salad and not feel cold with the open doors). On Monday morning, I felt a bit better and as the day progressed, I improved and I attended work and managed the Zoom meeting.
Writing as therapy
I have learnt that when problems present themselves, you write them down and say how you are feeling. Then one week later, or however long it takes, go back to it and see if those problems were as bad as you thought. Today, I can write- resolved and how. My health has improved whilst waiting for a test result after seeing the doctor. Writing this way has made me realise that everything can work out and it’s not worth getting too anxious about anything. This has helped me enormously with habitual, low-grade anxiety and I would highly recommend it.
Writing in a journal
I have never been great at just recording events in a diary. I find that dull, but when I do record something, I try to write for the memories, how it felt, what was noticed, who was there and even what the weather was like. I started one notebook when I was 50 and sometimes there are months in between entries. That doesn’t matter. It is good to recap and see how life has evolved. I will continue until the book is finished.
Writing for gratitude
I have written small notes, kept them in little bags, jars or boxes and dated them for anything that has happened that I’m grateful for, or for asking in prayer form for something specific. It is heartening to read them back. There have been some profound and touching statements. I have been very moved by some of them and many of my heartfelt desires have come true.
Writing for specific reasons:
In 2018, I started a social history diary where I write about wider issues of the day- politics, climate change, major events and where I predict what might happen in the future. I have recorded the centenary celebrations of WW1, Brexit, the Pandemic, General Elections, the Ukraine war and what is happening in Gaza. I want to leave it to my family. I also have a hunch that ink and pen writing will become scarcer as texting and the digital age will make old-fashioned pen and paper writing rarer.
Writing at the end of the day and detecting patterns
Last year, I was in a job that I absolutely hated for six months. It was a needs-must kind of work. I wrote in a type of journal that had tick boxes of positive and negative feelings. I would record these at the end of the day and quickly realised the patterns of what and whom that made me both happy and sad. It was very enlightening, and it helped make some decisions that had to be made. In spite of needing income I gave up the job and an opportunity that was much better came along instead. It was very useful to learn from and now looking back I was proud of coming through it all.
So, I hope I have given you some ideas to think about. Writing this has reinforced why I do what I do and I encourage you to give it a go too. I finished this post late last night finally getting back on track after a stressful week.
All my audios are a complement to my posts and are not merely a transcript. I encourage you to listen first to set the scene.
Putting on your writing shoes
“Spill what comes to you on the page.”
So says author Beth Kempton as I attended one of her writing sanctuaries last year, having bought her book ‘The Way of the Fearless Writer’. So, I begin with a story.
One day in 2005, I was given a pen, after a period of counselling, which prompted me to start writing. I was then a hesitant writer, a clumsy writer, as I put pen to paper in a blog format called one thoughtful woman. Plagued by doubt, my early experiences with English had left me with little confidence.
Early writing experiences
My early schooling, wrecked by bullying, eventually left its mark across all academic subjects, including being a weak grammarian. My first sitting for exams at age 16 saw me achieve two O-levels, History and Geography. I also passed a CSE one in English, but I termed this last one as not a ‘proper’ English Language qualification. I saw CSEs as second best which largely they were for their time.
The formal study of English Literature had been denied me two years earlier when I failed the mock exam by 2%. It took me two more attempts to scrape a C grade at O-level English Language, something which haunted any effort to see myself as a ‘serious’ writer until only fairly recently.
The Journey begins
I started a blog in my early forties when I returned to formal education ( University of East Anglia) and two things happened. I started to form an identity as a scholar and began to take off academically. This thrilled me, but I still had the old mindset of not taking myself seriously as a competent writer, outside of the lecture room. I bought books for my essay writing which still needed huge grammatical input and began to teach myself.
Fast forward to the pandemic, I remember going out for a walk and asking the Universe for a sign. Yes, I know for many of you that sounds rather weird, but I had been reading about the Law of Attraction and thought I would give it a go. In the middle of a deserted, featureless, bare concrete path there lay a feather right in front of me. Years ago, I had bought a quill feather with an ink pot and this had been mainly used as an ornament/novelty. I stopped dead in my tracks and picked it up. Was it telling me something about writing and if it had a future for me?
I took the feather home. It sat on the shelve, nudging me from time to time to take up the pen again. I stared at it, but what was I really to write about? My previous blog had produced no clear pathway or subject and I had stopped it. I needed to find my niche, my story, and what I cared enough about to form the discipline required to write something of real substance. The months passed by, but the thought never left me, resurfacing from time to time.
The momentum picks up
Then, In the summer of 2022, after another significant life event, I saw on Facebook a free summer writing sanctuary by Beth Kempton, the Japanologist and published author of books including ‘Wabi Sabi’ and ‘Freedom Seeker’. I was working hard at that point and had little time to indulge, but a little voice told me to sign up and do it anyway. I think this was my epiphany moment.
One of the exercises was to go and write outside. Beth uses the idea of writing sparks (a piece of poetry or writing to act as inspiration) and a previous spark of own, from reading John Lewis Stemple’s ‘Meadowland’ combined with walking in nature, and the love of big skies all came together. One day I was sitting at a Ford in South Acre, Norfolk, a place of many happy memories and started to write. I had no idea what was going to be created until the pen touched the paper and I just let my mind go.
The writing paradigm shifts.
A painter can paint what he sees outside, why not a writer then? This introduced me to a whole new way of thinking about where writing comes from. What ignites the words, the vision, story, of what needs to be written? And the exciting thing of all was that I found it so easy, like a lid from a paint pot finally opening and all that fresh new paint spilling out waiting to be seen.
The Summer Writing Sanctuary produced vibrant colours. Exercise after exercise made me bolder, and braver and I would read out loud what I had written and thought where has this come from? Soon nature and writing became as one, two halves, like a pair of walking shoes waiting to be put on to find unity, wholeness and a whole new sense of direction. It was from all of this that I walk beside you now with footstep conversations.
Where do we go from here?
Next week, I will continue to walk you through how you can write and why it is so powerful and good for us as an activity. There are many ways in which you can write for yourself, and for others and how to get started with some signposts to help you navigate your own road map.
Beth is currently doing another Summer Sanctuary and it’s completely free. I would encourage you to take a look at her work at https://dowhatyouloveforlife.com/ She is amazing and gives so much of herself and her time to help us become who we are called to be, with so many different courses at incredible value. She has also introduced me to Substack where you can also find her. I have created my own account but have yet to decide how I am going to use it.
Until next time and part 2. I hope you have a great week.
Continuing my theme of rest and leisure, I mentioned at the start of my holiday my re-reading of the book ‘The Art of Rest’ by Claudia Hammond. In my walk this week, I wish to write about the why we read, which scored the highest in the 10 activities outlined in this book regarding relaxation.
Firstly,I would like to ask a question.
If you are a reader, why do you read?
If you don’t read, why don’t you?
Why do I read?
Here are my thoughts about the benefits of reading, expressed as a poem that explores both fiction and non-fiction texts.
Rest, Read and Reason
How many worlds do we find in books?
The plot lines, people, timelines and hooks,
Into the many minds of
Storytellers
Scholars
Saviours and
Shepherds
guiding us through their words of wisdom or wonder
as we pour into the pages
Forgetting
Loosening
Pausing through life
and all its strive.
How many times do we turn a page
The content, chapters, lines to gaze
Into the many covers of
Emerging
Evolving
Enlightening and
Enriching
guiding us through their journey of either fact or fiction.
As we pour into the pages
Searching
Hoping
asking for more,
as we walk through their door.
Opening the passageway to
Knowledge
Imagination
and freedom of expression.
Knowing there are no limits to where we might go,
on venture and voyage
of discovery and delight.
Tales in paper binding formed
and weaved together to create
a tapestry called life and living
that can never be hidden.
Spilling consciousness on to the page
of hopes, ideas and art.
A canvas of paper
In black and white
yet revealing all its colours.
To read captures all of this
No wonder many people love its bliss.
@Helen Marshall August 2024
To pick up a book is good for us:
There are a whole host of studies as to the many benefits of reading. Here is just one which you could read.
.The evidence is clear that reading is good for our emotional and physical health.
When do we like to read?
For me, I find it easier to read at night and unwind before sleep. In the mornings, I like to listen to music and prefer to write or work on my lesson planning. Reading at the end of the day, when the work is done, is psychologically good for me, and is a relaxing reward for the day’s activities and commitments.
How many books do we buy and is it increasing?
Having explored some data on this, it appears we bought more books during the COVID lock-down have been exploring different types of books and ways to read. In ‘The Art of Rest’ the author cites that in 2018, in the UK, there were 1.6 billion book sales.Take a look at these statistics if you enjoy numbers on the growth of book purchases, including reading in digital format.
However, the way we read appears to be changing as we purchase more e-books and listen to audio books. Reading demands a high level of cognitive function and I’m wondering if the same brain work is required for listening to audio books. I am curious to do some more research to see if there is any cognitive difference.
As we journey through books, how is it different to other forms of leisure like social media or TV?
At a bookshop, library or shopping online book stores, we choose our book with an intention. Even if we browse the shelves, we are often looking for something specific. This is very different to scrolling for news to read on our phones or glancing through the TV guide. We enter a world of our choosing or because we are intrigued by what lies behind the pages. Reading helps us focus and increases our attention span while social media can do the opposite.
Finally:
Social media had led me away from physical books but now I’m embracing them again with renewed vigour. I have tried a Kindle and even an audio book, but nothing compares to the smell of fresh, crisp paper, a book cover and pages to dip into. I tend to read more non-fiction books, but recognise the value in being transported into another world with a great story. I would like to read more fiction, not just for increased creative writing skills but solely for pure pleasure.
I hope you too can be persuaded to give reading a closer look if your gaze has been elsewhere.
Until next week…..
Photography is from my walk this week at Castle Rising, Norfolk on the old road by the chalk river. It was a perfect hot, sunny day with the clearest of blue skies and the sheep were shading themselves from the sun within the cooling trees. It is one of my favourite walking places.
A definition of the word failure from the Cambridge Online Dictionary:
“The fact of someone or something not succeeding.”
A personal perspective of re-framing the word/feeling as a result of not succeeding in a set goal or task.
As I walked with this word these are the thoughts that came to mind in the light of my own experiences:
The opportunity to do things differently.
A result from which I can learn and grow from.
The choice/chance to take another direction.
Success is just around the corner.
Something better is going to come to you.
To evaluate what I should/could be doing differently.
The wake-up call to not keep pushing the wrong door open.
The chance to pause, be still and think about what I should be doing next.
A stepping stone from which I can propel forward.
An acknowledgement that I did my best but this is not for me and that’s OK.
A loss before a win.
Putting a slide- rule over a decision and taking a long hard look at it.
A pothole in the road you can’t avoid. You can walk over it, or you can walk around it but keep moving on.
When failure occurs you get to choose (depending on the circumstances) which one of these reframings you decide on and which fits your best situation.
For me, the sentence expressing a feeling that something is not right is the one that speaks the most with an area of my professional work coming under review.
To heal from failure:
It’s OK to say I am hurt, feel the pain and don’t try and cover it up. Sit with it, alone, in silence with coffee, with family and friends. Take your time and only you will know when you are ready to take the next step.
The hardest but most important thing of all is, don’t compare yourself to others. Focus squarely on yourself- so in this case you can be selfish. Give yourself lots of self-care for repair. You will be writing your prescription for healing (in doing so) that is unique to you.
Sometimes, your circumstances will mean you can’t sit for long because of a commitment you have to another- a student, a family member or an employer. Get out of bed and show up, however hard it is, because that momentum will force you out of a sinkhole of sadness and mental paralysis. Do what needs to be done and then pause, and take a rest when you can.
Try to keep the ego out of failure. This is not easy as our self-esteem have been bashed but hurt pride could force you into an action that leads to another mistake. Detach the ego with the result you have just had, and this will allow you to look at it more objectively and help you make the next step less likely to be the wrong one.
Above all, don’t hurry, create some space and take your time even if your day-to-day routine has to be active. Your rational self will come up for air. Failure makes you vulnerable, acknowledge it and give yourself time to think through the bigger picture. You could be just one move from getting that next decision right, or one move away from compounding the error.
Realising failure means that you are fully living. It shows you are prepared to take risks, rather than hide in the shadows. You are experiencing all life has to offer, the opposite of stasis, procrastination or just existence.
To experience failure is to know that you are embracing life in all its yin and yang, ebb and flow, ups and downs, black and white, push and pull, opposite forces, good and bad.
For me, the biggest failure was a catalyst to find a whole new path where eventually I would find the greatest happiness and success. I didn’t realise it at the time but it opened up a gateway of opportunities that I never thought were imaginable.
In conclusion:
Ultimately you and your thoughts get to choose what happens next
Acknowledge it
Feel and sit with it
Take responsibility for it
Realise that whatever has happened the result is in, and you can’t go back and change it
It doesn’t have to be repeated
Be big enough to say I made mistakes, but that could have been out of fear, panic, not knowing, inexperience, poor tuition, lack of support or temporary skill or just plain bad luck.
Say ultimately this wasn’t for you right now. It may be in the future, it may not but usually what happens is for a reason and it will all come good in the end.
You can be victorious, but you will doubt it for a while. Give yourself grace and time to rise to see beyond the defeat.
Don’t compare failure to shame- know the difference. The ego is hurt, yes, but shame is often a feeling when you have done something wrong causing hurt to others and that is a completely different curve ball.
I feel I have only touched upon this subject and may need to come back to it. I leave you with one final statement which my experiences have taught me the most.
Above all failure teaches us humility and compassion.
I started this blog in April and feel very pleased that I have posted every week since its start. It takes time, dedication and commitment to write even one post each week without any interruptions. Sometimes, the deadlines have been tight, but this was a promise to myself to do this activity and to get my writing life fully living again after many years of absence.
It has become a time of relaxation and while this is published online, the simple art of writing focuses me to become ‘offline’ and off the grid of to-do lists. It’s been an extremely mindful practice and one that is bringing me more awareness and self-care.
Furthermore, it has certainly brought my writing discipline to the table. At first, I was afraid I would quickly run out of topics and things to say, but each week the words have flowed without any effort. I have found this easy, so far. I have no writer’s block and I have barely begun to write about all the list of subjects I had written down at the start of this intention and have up my sleeve.
But we all need rest, and a recent yoga retreat on Sunday made me realise how tired I am within myself and how much I need a restorative period. This year has been a full one and great, but a lot has happened and there has been a lot to juggle.
The topic I want to write about can wait until I return from a much-needed break. I am going to Oxford to celebrate my aunt’s 90th birthday. Then I will return, have time off from teaching while some house renovation starts. There will be painting/decorating to do but it will be different from lesson planning. I can listen to music, relax and go out for walking and days out, alone and with my family.
We all need time and space to unwind and do what we need to do. For me, time away from screens is what I need right now. It also gives me an opportunity to walk in nature which is what I love doing the most.
I wish to thank all of you for supporting this blog, so far and for all the comments, encouragement and support which has already made this all so worthwhile.
For now, I will leave you with some summer sunshine, flowers from my garden and an idea from Claudia Hammond’s book ‘ The Art of Rest’ which I will re-read over this summer break from tutoring. She talks about creating a rest box. In hers, she mentions a crochet hook, seeds to plant and music. What a lovely idea. She also stresses that rest doesn’t mean having to sit and do nothing. I wonder what I shall put in mine.
There is a saying that goes,
“A change is as good as a rest.”
I have a fiction novel to take with me to Oxford. At the time of this post, my work concludes tomorrow for the end of the academic year. I no longer have a position in a school, but I still have kept the mindset as if I do. On Thursday, I will wrap up for the year from an admin view point, do one further day of Nana duties, and then pack my case to drive off on Saturday.
Take care and I will be back on August 7th.
Until then,
Helen.
‘ The Art of Rest. How to Find Respite in the Modern Age’ Claudia Hammond, 2020 CanonGate books. Pg 262.
( I suggest you listen to the audio after reading this post)
I’ve just woken up from a lovely dream. I was in a favourite garden with all my friends. The sun was shining, and people were enjoying themselves. People I cared about were laughing, eating, and celebrating something good. The energy was high and the feeling was good. Life felt great and with lots of meaning and connections.
I come back to the present moment. It’s raining again, with the usual grey skies this summer is giving us. Once upon a time, this weather would have sent my spirits spiralling but no longer. I lay in silence listening to the rain and my energy is high and I feel such a sense of gratitude because of where I had just been in that dream. I thank the Universe for the life I have now and the people in it.
Every day I wake up I feel the same. Waking up and then getting up was once difficult for me. When you are in the grip of deep depression everything is weighed down by treacle, a heavy force that keeps you trudging through life. It’s exhausting; your senses are numbed and your energy is almost empty.
That has all been flipped on its head. It took years, about three amazing pieces of luck or miracles. However you wish to look at it, for me to arrive here where I am today, I have truly found my Ikigai.
Let me introduce you to the book ‘Ikigai- The Japanese Secret to a long and happy life.’ This work researches the human experience but crucially what it takes to live a long and happy life. This post is not a book review, this would almost miss the point. Instead, I want to digger deeper as to why having an Ikigai (a purpose for living) is so powerful.
I was talking about retirement recently and what that looks and feels like to the individual. There is a huge amount of evidence to say that retiring isn’t a positive thing to do, quite the opposite. I think we can all recall hearing of how one person retires one week, and they are dead by the next. Then we can look at the examples of working until you are in your 90s with such a powerful sense of purpose, Sir David Attenborough springs to mind and you might want to read the example I give here.
It depends on what you mean by retirement. To have liberation from having to work for money is an absolute gift that most of us would admit is one goal we would like to aspire to. To have a pension or passive income streams are two such golden gateways to freedom of time.
One marker of wealth is to have the freedom to choose what you do with your day according to Morgan Housel in his book ‘The Psychology of Money’, which I am now reading. Freeing up time gives you the space to think about the activities you do that give you the most pleasure. However, what truly is the driver of longevity isn’t about pursuits of pleasure but activities which give contribution, growth, service and a sense of community.
The book Ikigai can be summarised in the following ways:
1) People who enjoy the longest and happiest lives have a strong sense of purpose.
2) Their relationships with people within their families and communities are high.
3) They move daily, and their lives are busy and full. Often their exercise is not intense but prolonged with gardening high on their list of activities as they grow their own food.
4) They eat a diet largely based on fruit and vegetables, protein and reduced meat consumption.
5) They practice Eastern traditions of gentle movements, including Tai Chi and meditation.
6) They find a state of steady focus and flow in everything they do.
7) They have learnt the art of resilience and managing stress.
The researchers of this book interviewed people from all over the world and named five areas called Blue Zones where the population had all these traits.
They are: ( the audio quotes the precise reasons behind each area. Forgive me for the pronunciation if it’s said not quite correctly)
1) Okinawa, Japan,
2) Sardinia, Italy
3) Loma Linda, California
4) The Nicoya Peninsula, Costa Rica
5) Ikaria, Greece.
Going back to the day job, the book breaks down Ikigai into four areas which are placed into overlapping circles. This is the opportunity to ask yourself where you sit within these circles and to be honest with the answers. It also allows you to ask some further questions. These could be challenging for you if you don’t want to hear the answers you give back to yourself.
Look at these categories:
Passion: what you love
Mission: what the world needs
Vocation: What you can be paid for
Profession: What you are good at.
To have all four of these is truly I believe the elixir to life, the Holy Grail and the running water that quenches your deepest desires. To have a job that embraces all these things is the greatest gift you can give to yourself and the world. It doesn’t have to be all paid work either, serving a church community or voluntary work are all valuable and many people interviewed in the book did such community work.
Sadly, many people are forced into the fast lane, a world where money has to be King because of the cost of living and because we are taught by the news and social media to compare, envy and feel dissatisfied when we think we fall short. This drives us into jobs we hate just for money, getting stuck on a treadmill of existence and getting by. The rinse and repeat of getting up on a Monday morning and knowing that you must do it all over again with no end in sight.
But what if you could break free from that?
It’s not easy but the subtle shift has to start with you. One leap of faith, one action, one opportunity, one new habit and one sprinkling of hope are the keys which can unlock many doors.
One of the most influencing things about pain is it is one of the mightiest and strongest forms of good. It is an emotion you never forget, but if you can move away from it ( knowing the energy and courage it took to move away from it) this will never leave you. I’m not talking about the pain of grief and losing a loved one here. That’s a different type of pain. I am talking about the pain within yourself because of the need for change.
I remember my greyest of days back in the winter of 2010. I asked myself what had I done to have ever deserved this. I felt pity towards myself. Pity is the most wretched feeling in the world, and I believe the worst feeling of all. At that crossroads you have a choice, give up, or carry on. I looked around me and went outside. I pulled up a weed and then another one. It was the start of a long journey that has me writing here today, doing what I do. My Ikigai has never been more powerful.
Was it hard to change my world? Yes, there are no shortcuts. Did I have setbacks? Yes, many. Did I have breakthroughs through consistent effort and the drive to keep going? Yes, and when they came, they tasted like the sweetest of honey. Did I lift myself out of depression? Yes, but depression is like a healed scar. You are vulnerable and you know when you must put on the brake to put in some self-care. There is always a risk you could end up back in the treacle and not the honey. I am determined never to be in the vat of treacle ever again.
It’s 09.00, the rain has stopped, and the day is starting. I’m thankful and glad to be alive ( see last week’s post) and I want to live a long time because there is much I have missed out on and still much to do. I will be sharing more about how I am trying to keep physically as healthy as possible, but I do believe health starts in the mind.
As one of the greatest mentors in human growth and development, Jim Rhon once said,
“When your why is big enough, you will find a way to know the how.”
Until next week…..
References:
@ Audio Extract from Chapter one ‘ The Art of Staying Young While Growing Old’, page 12 of ‘Ikigai, The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life,’ Hector Garcia, Francesc Miralles, Penguin Random House, UK 2016
Allow me to introduce you to Sarah Hare, the youngest daughter of Thomas Hare, a family that has lived in this area since the 1500s.
I’m back at the Holy Trinity Church of St Bardolph, Norfolk close to where I live. I never knew she was tucked away here in a large, dark wooden cabinet, yet wanting to be seen. I expected her to be lying down but no, she wanted to stand up, as if death hadn’t defeated her.
( The quality of the photo is interfered by the glass reflection. I tried different angles and this one was the best.)
Yes, you will see something quite unusual, and the only funerary figure outside of London. She is kept in memorial in wax with her real hair, grimy hands, dirty face and piercing eyes, almost with a spookiness about them. She had given instruction that she wanted to be preserved in wax and her face was probably a life-or-death mask as she had died of sepsis from a needle work injury, at the age of 55, on the 9th of April 1744. She wore her own clothes and the red cloak was particularly striking against her damask gown.
As I stared at her, I tried to get inside her head as to why she would want to be remembered this way which poses a question.
How do you wish to be remembered?
The theme for this week’s post is immortality, life and death. This might sound a bit heavy as the dark wooden chest Sarah is placed in within this family crypt. However, far from this post’s theme sounding morbid, this one is full of living and here’s why.
( On a side note, as I took this photo she was behind me, I could almost feel her eyes looking at me. It wasn’t scary though. It felt quite peaceful.)
I was 60 in January- quite a milestone and some big ponderings started to come into play. I might have more innings in me yet, but you also realise that time is beginning to run out. The dreams, aspirations, things not done, and places not seen become more urgent.
With the birth of my grandson last August, this was a big catalyst to start really looking after myself. I want to see him grow up, be part of his life and remember his nana for all her chatty, quirky ways and zest for living. I want to live more now than ever before.
So, I started to ask some big questions and for me write out some powerful statements about how you want the rest of your life to go.
My mission statement (Ikigai, meaning reason or purpose)- more about the book Ikigai in next week’s post.
I say and write words to positively impact people’s lives.
This is essentially the essence of who I am. My English work at the Farm, the birth of this blog and recently helping students with interview preparation to help them succeed in their chosen jobs.
I have health, wealth and happiness every day. (Wealth isn’t just about money, that’s another post for another time.)
I can play the piano.
I can walk without pain. Note, I use the word can, not I would like, or hope too. Writing in the present tense as if it is now and done is very powerful. There is research on this, just google it.
I have several more statements, but you get the idea.
This also brings the word gratitude into play here which is a huge subject all of its own. I have an 89-year-old friend who, by most people’s standards, has led a simple life confined mostly to her town and who has only ever lived in one of two houses which are next door to each other. She lost her husband at age 61 and her son who was aged 47. My family is the only one she has, even though we are not related.
Yet, never have I seen such a display of simple gratitude which has shaped her life from one which could be viewed as narrow and sad to one of blessings and joys. She is a wonderful example of gratitude, of noticing the violets on her walk to the shops last February, to the leaves shining in the local park with the sunshine. When any small occasion comes her way, a road trip out, an invitation, however small, then this lady is so happy as she notices the shapes of the clouds as we drive along. I will never forget her pointing out the rabbit on the road to March on an outing to my daughter’s. She has had little money all her life, but her riches are many.
So, I come back to the question.
How do you wish to be remembered?
What’s important to you?
I want to walk around the UK writing about life, health and what it means to be alive and living the best life you can, including visiting cathedrals and churches with my laptop in tow. For all sorts of reasons, and the need to work consistently being one of them, this at the moment is confined more to days out, occasional 24 hour get-a-ways and any holidays. However,it is an intention I aim to do when I can fully retire.
I want to start a local walking and writing group, ideally next year but under an umbrella organisation where I can have a safety net, insurance and guidance so other people can harness what I am benefiting from. Walking is powerful, writing is powerful but put the two together and you can have a superpower to propel you into anything you want to be. Note, I write this with caution as I am not a counselor, see my disclaimer. There is a lot more ground work to do before I embark on such a venture.
How do I want to be remembered?
Someone who did the best they could with the modest talents they have and to not waste a single second. Wasting time is not for me and to fill each day with something I love and can be proud of. This could be criticised. I am not saying family isn’t important, it absolutely is, but your life can be more than just your family or your day job.
You have a right to fulfil your dreams. I do not need to be preserved in wax. I want to fly away on the wind in dust to mix with the air and for my family to plant some snowdrops in my favourite place. My collections of writings (my best ones) will be left to the family for any creative reference and hopefully some wisdom and interest and a memory that was kind, compassionate and caring.
That to me sounds like a pretty good life and for now, I am happy to get on and live this way.
How do you want to get on with your life, if there was nothing to stop you doing anything?
