Walking with an Ikigai

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Footsteps Conversations
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Walking with an Ikigai
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( I suggest you listen to the audio after reading this post)

I’ve just woken up from a lovely dream. I was in a favourite garden with all my friends. The sun was shining, and people were enjoying themselves. People I cared about were laughing, eating, and celebrating something good. The energy was high and the feeling was good. Life felt great and with lots of meaning and connections.

I come back to the present moment. It’s raining again, with the usual grey skies this summer is giving us. Once upon a time, this weather would have sent my spirits spiralling but no longer. I lay in silence listening to the rain and my energy is high and I feel such a sense of gratitude because of where I had just been in that dream. I thank the Universe for the life I have now and the people in it.

Every day I wake up I feel the same. Waking up and then getting up was once difficult for me. When you are in the grip of deep depression everything is weighed down by treacle, a heavy force that keeps you trudging through life. It’s exhausting; your senses are numbed and your energy is almost empty.

That has all been flipped on its head. It took years, about three amazing pieces of luck or miracles. However you wish to look at it, for me to arrive here where I am today, I have truly found my Ikigai.

Let me introduce you to the book ‘Ikigai- The Japanese Secret to a long and happy life.’ This work researches the human experience but crucially what it takes to live a long and happy life. This post is not a book review, this would almost miss the point. Instead, I want to digger deeper as to why having an Ikigai (a purpose for living) is so powerful.

I was talking about retirement recently and what that looks and feels like to the individual. There is a huge amount of evidence to say that retiring isn’t a positive thing to do, quite the opposite. I think we can all recall hearing of how one person retires one week, and they are dead by the next. Then we can look at the examples of working until you are in your 90s with such a powerful sense of purpose, Sir David Attenborough springs to mind and you might want to read the example I give here.

It depends on what you mean by retirement. To have liberation from having to work for money is an absolute gift that most of us would admit is one goal we would like to aspire to. To have a pension or passive income streams are two such golden gateways to freedom of time.

 One marker of wealth is to have the freedom to choose what you do with your day according to Morgan Housel in his book ‘The Psychology of Money’, which I am now reading. Freeing up time gives you the space to think about the activities you do that give you the most pleasure. However, what truly is the driver of longevity isn’t about pursuits of pleasure but activities which give contribution, growth, service and a sense of community.

The book Ikigai can be summarised in the following ways:

1) People who enjoy the longest and happiest lives have a strong sense of purpose.

2) Their relationships with people within their families and communities are high.

3) They move daily, and their lives are busy and full. Often their exercise is not intense but prolonged with gardening high on their list of activities as they grow their own food.

4) They eat a diet largely based on fruit and vegetables, protein and reduced meat consumption.

5) They practice Eastern traditions of gentle movements, including Tai Chi and meditation.

6) They find a state of steady focus and flow in everything they do.

7) They have learnt the art of resilience and managing stress.

The researchers of this book interviewed people from all over the world and named five areas called Blue Zones where the population had all these traits.

They are: ( the audio quotes the precise reasons behind each area. Forgive me for the pronunciation if it’s said not quite correctly)

1) Okinawa, Japan,

2) Sardinia, Italy

3) Loma Linda, California

4) The Nicoya Peninsula, Costa Rica

5) Ikaria, Greece.

Going back to the day job, the book breaks down Ikigai into four areas which are placed into overlapping circles. This is the opportunity to ask yourself where you sit within these circles and to be honest with the answers. It also allows you to ask some further questions. These could be challenging for you if you don’t want to hear the answers you give back to yourself.

Look at these categories:

Passion: what you love

Mission: what the world needs

Vocation: What you can be paid for

Profession: What you are good at.

To have all four of these is truly I believe the elixir to life, the Holy Grail and the running water that quenches your deepest desires.  To have a job that embraces all these things is the greatest gift you can give to yourself and the world.  It doesn’t have to be all paid work either, serving a church community or voluntary work are all valuable and many people interviewed in the book did such community work.

Sadly, many people are forced into the fast lane, a world where money has to be King because of the cost of living and because we are taught by the news and social media to compare, envy and feel dissatisfied when we think we fall short. This drives us into jobs we hate just for money, getting stuck on a treadmill of existence and getting by. The rinse and repeat of getting up on a Monday morning and knowing that you must do it all over again with no end in sight.

But what if you could break free from that?

It’s not easy but the subtle shift has to start with you. One leap of faith, one action, one opportunity, one new habit and one sprinkling of hope are the keys which can unlock many doors.

One of the most influencing things about pain is it is one of the mightiest and strongest forms of good. It is an emotion you never forget, but if you can move away from it ( knowing the energy and courage it took to move away from it) this will never leave you. I’m not talking about the pain of grief and losing a loved one here. That’s a different type of pain. I am talking about the pain within yourself because of the need for change.

I remember my greyest of days back in the winter of 2010. I asked myself what had I done to have ever deserved this. I felt pity towards myself. Pity is the most wretched feeling in the world, and I believe the worst feeling of all. At that crossroads you have a choice, give up, or carry on. I looked around me and went outside. I pulled up a weed and then another one. It was the start of a long journey that has me writing here today, doing what I do. My Ikigai has never been more powerful.

Was it hard to change my world? Yes, there are no shortcuts. Did I have setbacks? Yes, many. Did I have breakthroughs through consistent effort and the drive to keep going? Yes, and when they came, they tasted like the sweetest of honey. Did I lift myself out of depression? Yes, but depression is like a healed scar. You are vulnerable and you know when you must put on the brake to put in some self-care. There is always a risk you could end up back in the treacle and not the honey. I am determined never to be in the vat of treacle ever again.

It’s 09.00, the rain has stopped, and the day is starting. I’m thankful and glad to be alive ( see last week’s post) and I want to live a long time because there is much I have missed out on and still much to do. I will be sharing more about how I am trying to keep physically as healthy as possible, but I do believe health starts in the mind.

As one of the greatest mentors in human growth and development, Jim Rhon once said,

“When your why is big enough, you will find a way to know the how.”

Until next week…..

References:

@ Audio Extract from Chapter one ‘ The Art of Staying Young While Growing Old’, page 12 of ‘Ikigai, The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life,’ Hector Garcia, Francesc Miralles, Penguin Random House, UK 2016

Here is a link to the book itself.

How do you want to be remembered? a reflective walk.

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Allow me to introduce you to Sarah Hare, the youngest daughter of Thomas Hare, a family that has lived in this area since the 1500s.

I’m back at the Holy Trinity Church of St Bardolph, Norfolk close to where I live. I never knew she was tucked away here in a large, dark wooden cabinet, yet wanting to be seen. I expected her to be lying down but no, she wanted to stand up, as if death hadn’t defeated her.

( The quality of the photo is interfered by the glass reflection. I tried different angles and this one was the best.)

Yes, you will see something quite unusual, and the only funerary figure outside of London. She is kept in memorial in wax with her real hair, grimy hands, dirty face and piercing eyes, almost with a spookiness about them. She had given instruction that she wanted to be preserved in wax and her face was probably a life-or-death mask as she had died of sepsis from a needle work injury, at the age of 55, on the 9th of April 1744. She wore her own clothes and the red cloak was particularly striking against her damask gown.

As I stared at her, I tried to get inside her head as to why she would want to be remembered this way which poses a question.

How do you wish to be remembered?

 The theme for this week’s post is immortality, life and death. This might sound a bit heavy as the dark wooden chest Sarah is placed in within this family crypt. However, far from this post’s theme sounding morbid, this one is full of living and here’s why.

( On a side note, as I took this photo she was behind me, I could almost feel her eyes looking at me. It wasn’t scary though. It felt quite peaceful.)

I was 60 in January- quite a milestone and some big ponderings started to come into play. I might have more innings in me yet, but you also realise that time is beginning to run out. The dreams, aspirations, things not done, and places not seen become more urgent.

With the birth of my grandson last August, this was a big catalyst to start really looking after myself. I want to see him grow up, be part of his life and remember his nana for all her chatty, quirky ways and zest for living. I want to live more now than ever before.

So, I started to ask some big questions and for me write out some powerful statements about how you want the rest of your life to go.

My mission statement (Ikigai, meaning reason or purpose)- more about the book Ikigai in next week’s post.

I say and write words to positively impact people’s lives.

 This is essentially the essence of who I am. My English work at the Farm, the birth of this blog and recently helping students with interview preparation to help them succeed in their chosen jobs.

I have health, wealth and happiness every day. (Wealth isn’t just about money, that’s another post for another time.)

I can play the piano.

I can walk without pain. Note, I use the word can, not I would like, or hope too. Writing in the present tense as if it is now and done is very powerful. There is research on this, just google it.

I have several more statements, but you get the idea.

This also brings the word gratitude into play here which is a huge subject all of its own. I have an 89-year-old friend who, by most people’s standards, has led a simple life confined mostly to her town and who has only ever lived in one of two houses which are next door to each other. She lost her husband at age 61 and her son who was aged 47. My family is the only one she has, even though we are not related.

Yet, never have I seen such a display of simple gratitude which has shaped her life from one which could be viewed as narrow and sad to one of blessings and joys. She is a wonderful example of gratitude, of noticing the violets on her walk to the shops last February, to the leaves shining in the local park with the sunshine.  When any small occasion comes her way, a road trip out, an invitation, however small, then this lady is so happy as she notices the shapes of the clouds as we drive along. I will never forget her pointing out the rabbit on the road to March on an outing to my daughter’s. She has had little money all her life, but her riches are many.

So, I come back to the question.

How do you wish to be remembered?

What’s important to you?

I want to walk around the UK writing about life, health and what it means to be alive and living the best life you can, including visiting cathedrals and churches with my laptop in tow. For all sorts of reasons, and the need to work consistently being one of them, this at the moment is confined more to days out, occasional 24 hour get-a-ways and any holidays. However,it is an intention I aim to do when I can fully retire.

I want to start a local walking and writing group, ideally next year but under an umbrella organisation where I can have a safety net, insurance and guidance so other people can harness what I am benefiting from. Walking is powerful, writing is powerful but put the two together and you can have a superpower to propel you into anything you want to be. Note, I write this with caution as I am not a counselor, see my disclaimer. There is a lot more ground work to do before I embark on such a venture.

How do I want to be remembered?

Someone who did the best they could with the modest talents they have and to not waste a single second. Wasting time is not for me and to fill each day with something I love and can be proud of. This could be criticised. I am not saying family isn’t important, it absolutely is, but your life can be more than just your family or your day job.

You have a right to fulfil your dreams. I do not need to be preserved in wax. I want to fly away on the wind in dust to mix with the air and for my family to plant some snowdrops in my favourite place. My collections of writings (my best ones) will be left to the family for any creative reference and hopefully some wisdom and interest and a memory that was kind, compassionate and caring.

That to me sounds like a pretty good life and for now, I am happy to get on and live this way.

How do you want to get on with your life, if there was nothing to stop you doing anything?

Until next week…..

A Visit to a Church- solitude part 2

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A Visit to a Church- solitude part 2
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In this week’s audio, I have included a small extract from the book ‘Steeple Chasing’ by Peter Ross.

Also, my writing in the church from last week’s post from St Mary’s Snettisham with edits and additional thoughts.

“I hear a pitter, patter on the roof. I have no idea what it is as it is not raining. It doesn’t sound like the wind, more like a swarm of flies, but having just walked around the whole perimeter of the church there was nothing to see and all was very quiet.

Then there is the ping of my phone. I’ll put it on silent as the two visitors behind me (glance) are praying…. Writing pauses.

Oh, the ping is from my aunt. She needs some information.

“Can you reply now if possible?”

She is trying to organise a holiday next year for us and the booking is time sensitive. Even when no one is with me, there is a presence, an example of a demand that requires an immediate response.

I’ve thought of going on a Retreat, one where no one can reach you and phones are switched off. However, you know what it is like, the tug and pull of people. I can’t turn my phone off. What if someone needs you when Dad is ill, or your daughter is trying to get hold of you?

I can see why Dr Mosley left his phone at the hotel on that fateful June Walk in Greece of which he never got to his destination, to be away from the distractions. I have given myself countless promises to get out more, just to get in the car and drive. A friend would say it’s a lack of boundaries and they would be right.

Why am I even able to sit here today? Because I’m off my childcare duties due to recovering from something contagious, now resolved, but a day off just to be on the safe side with a 10-month-old grandson to think about.

This comes back to a past post of squeezing and compressed time. As I have said before, this blog has a life of its own. Many of these posts’ subjects can overlap with common links and interconnections. This is one of the many surprises since setting up footstep conversations.

What feels certain is that silence doesn’t feel bad, quite the contrary. There is solitude and there is loneliness. You can be in a crowd and feel lonely. You can be on your own but know there is a network of people out there holding you up. I think of my penfriend in Australia. I have only ever seen her three times over the 40 years we have known each other but her presence is always there. This is one of the advantages of the technological age. Our video calls and messages, sending photos and thoughts have sustained me over many years.

Solitude is not bad for us, but loneliness is and that’s the difference. The data informs us in numerous studies that loneliness is damaging to our long-term physical and mental health. Here is just one of them.

I’m waiting for the phone to ping again, but it hasn’t. Maybe, I can sit here a little longer……..”

Are you lonely? Do you just require peace and some alone time, or are both relevant in your life?

What could you do about this?

Until next time….

If you want to read Philip Larkin’s poem, ‘Church Going’ there is a link to it here.

Photographs from St Mary’s Church, Snettisham, Norfolk.

‘Steeple Chasing, Around Britain by Church,’ Peter Ross, Crown, page 357, Headline Publishing Group, 2023.

Walking along the coast and solitude

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Walking along the coast and solitude
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I have decided to write this blog as two separate posts as I visited two locations on the same day. Each offers a different perspective of being alone and in stillness. To make a connection with the audio, this describes my coastal walk and next week is from a local church and what was experienced there.

Snettisham is on the North Norfolk Coast and what a lovely summer day after all the cold and rain. What immediately hit home was why do I not give myself the space and the permission to do this more. The last time I came to this beach was a year ago.  A blanket of calm swept over me like the tide coming into the beach.

My heart felt lighter, and this felt like another home to me, one without walls, restrictions and representing the highest form of freedom and physical expression. There was a radiance with the sunshine bouncing off the waves. The air looked fresh and clean like a cleansing tonic. As I breathed it in, the words started to form.

I sat, took out my notebook writing a few prompters to guide my message. The bicycle passed, and then I hit the record on my phone. After talking to you, what did I notice?

The flowers were striking.

I realised that birdsong comes in waves and little groups. You didn’t hear them all at once.

I walked along and photographed some flowers. Some were a bit blurry as there was a stiff breeze despite it being a calm day. I have chosen the two best here.

There was a little boat moored in the sand. Another was in the dunes. I wanted to photograph them, but I couldn’t reach one because of the terrain and the overgrowth. My mobile phone couldn’t capture the other in the distance very well (sun glare on the screen) At that moment, I realised that the Universe didn’t want me to sell my bigger bridge fuji with my recent decluttering efforts. It needed to be with me and to be here. Mobile phones can also make us lazy photographers. They certainly have made me this way when I look back at some of my earlier work many years ago.

Blue rope cordoned off for ground-nesting birds such as the Oyster Catchers.

 I listened out for the birds, and these were the following:

House Sparrows, Black Headed Gulls, Meadow Pipit, Eurasian Linnet, GoldFinches, Oystercatchers, Dunnock.

A couple of people were using a metal detector to pick up any beach treasure. I could hear it bleep.

In stillness, my eyes were scanning around me. I was starting to notice. As I walked, I had to bring myself back to the view. My monkey mind wanted to create an internal conversation so I brought my attention back to where I was. How often do you get distracted by that little voice prompting you about what you need to get back to, or what happened yesterday?

This wasn’t a long walk and some of it was sitting. I only had an hour on the car parking ticket, due to the costings (coastal car parks in prime areas are calculated carefully. An hour was £2- fine, but anything over time that jumped to £5 -clever and there was a little part of me hurrying to get to the next location as time was precious. I wanted to do as much as I could. Normally this would have been a childcare day. I was only off duty because I was still recuperating (see last week’s blog). This hit home about time is not always as flexible as I think it is and still a works in progress.

I then took myself to Snettisham church where the journey continues ( for next week).

What did I take away from this time?

To be honest, it was a glorious time away.

I felt at peace, happy and authentic to myself and what I enjoyed.

This walk was part of who I am now, a lover of nature, the environment and the outside world.

I felt restored, even for that short afternoon. I could go back to my ‘other’ world happily.

This was a good anchoring experience for me. I thought about the last two years (in particular) and it all made sense and I was proud of how far I had come. I love my chairs and my churches as well. The church came next!

Overall, it was a great afternoon out and I hope to get out to see a poppy field on Friday.

Slow your Steps

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(There is no audio this week, due to a minor contagious illness preventing me from walking when I was hoping to record it. There will be one next week.)

Looking at the latest photo of my 10-month-old grandson, what strikes me is the pure joy on his face at that given moment, with no thought of time on his hands. I feel this is the purest example of living in the moment. He had no concerns, no pressing engagements and just as it should be.

My Father gave me a valuable lesson years ago when he said:

“There is only one thing you can make in a hurry and that’s a mistake.” ( See my slightly hazy, imperfect photo.)

Remembering these words, I think back on all the wrong decisions taken and the mistakes made when I was rushing around, not taking enough care and attention, and crucially not just pausing and taking the time to check or think through what I was doing. It’s even happened with this venture and if this new blog has achieved anything then it has highlighted this and what I need to do about it.

I was watching a video the other day where the speaker mentioned that when we are asked how we are feeling, the word fine is swapped now to busy. We live in a fast-paced world. Our present Government wants the 3.5 million of us who are termed ‘economically inactive’ aged 50-64 to get back out to work and one friend expressed a phrase that we are all units of production. There is a subtle pressure of being idle isn’t acceptable.

Recently, I had conversations about being on the hamster wheel in my younger days of juggling work, house, family commitments and childcare. Of course, we all pay bills, and most of us want a sense of purpose and to connect with the outside world. We can’t escape the demands of modern life.

Becoming busy can become addictive as the adrenal pumps through our body. I researched the subject and stumbled across this blog. I largely have this problem.

I asked myself one question, How does being busy validate me?

1) Being busy must mean I am doing something useful.

2) I’m not wasting the precious time I have.

3) I can achieve something important, a goal or a step towards completing a long-term project.

4) I’m adding something of value to the world.

5) I’m getting ‘things’ on my to-do list done and this gives me a feeling of accomplishment.

6) It takes the pressure off deadlines.

7) Apparently, I’m at my happiest when I am busy.

8) It is the opposite of lazy and being lazy is a word I have never been encouraged to be.

Over the last month, I decided that it was no longer necessary to work at the weekends. As most self-employed people know, working for yourself means that there is always something to do. The email list, financial accounts, the tax return, re-evaluating your website and for me as a TEFL teacher learning the latest teaching methodology or skill. The guilt of the teaching of grammar course I purchased ages ago, that I still have started and the personal development programme from Beth Kempton’s writing courses I have to finish in less than a month, or the content will expire and I would have wasted precious money.

Then there is the constant tweaking of my morning routine so that I can get my work done early, so that time is made for walking, family and leisure. So, on one of these Sundays, I sat in my dressing gown and I couldn’t help feeling this was wasted time and physically felt the restlessness. I had to quieten my mind and just take my time, saying it was OK to have a morning of ‘blobbing about.’ It felt so uncomfortable and is something I find hard to do.

However, being busy isn’t necessarily being productive. What we spend our time on matters, how we do things in the most streamlined way counts. The chance of a mistake is reduced and wiser decisions are made when we just slow down, take our time and hit the pause button.

After the death of Dr Mosley (see last week’s blog)  it has hit home how fragile life is and how living well isn’t just about cramming into your day as much as possible. Days of quiet, resting, noticing, pausing and just being is essential and within those spaces of time a chance to connect with yourself. I confess my whole life ( from the age of 10) has been built on steps towards ‘something.’ Just to walk, smell the air and notice the view is a skill I’m having to learn to do.

Ironically, this week I have had to stop due to a minor illness which has meant I have needed to be isolated within four walls. This has hit home to me just how hard I find it to stop. One day later, I am restless, trying to catch up, and being away from my paid work this week is very frustrating., I am thinking of the things that need doing where I can use my time productively.This is a mindset that needs to change and work in progress.

What piece of advice would you give someone who needs to just ‘be’?

Do you see any of your behaviours in what I have expressed here?

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Until next week.

When Walking Suddenly Stops

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(Written on Saturday 7th June, I have decided to keep my words as they were written, but have since updated them at the end).

I have always remembered what a GP once said to me as we were on a ward round together.

“Any of us could be dead within the next thirty minutes.”

 The Lockerbie air disaster of 1988 had just happened. Lives were wiped out in an instant. A colleague was crying as one of her relatives was on that plane. This made me realise that:

You can be moments away from your death at any point.

You can be only one error away from changing your life or someone else’s for the worst.

A wrong decision can escalate into one long negative impact after another, like a pack of cards or dominoes falling around you.

One of my biggest errors of judgment was embarking on a personal relationship that had catastrophic consequences for me in my early twenties. This was my negative domino/compound effect.

 I now ask myself. What if I hadn’t accepted the idea of a friend writing to a lonely heart’s column on my behalf because she had had so many offers of a date, and I happen to like one of the photos and replies?

What if I had listened to my gut then, thinking I’m insane doing this, and instead of waiting on the corner for the car to appear, just to have gone home?

Trust me, it ended badly. The costs were felt for years to come.

I have been scrolling for updates on my phone regarding the disappearance of Dr Michael Mosley, who was reported missing Friday night after going off for a walk. The highly respected doctor and journalist whose podcasts such as ‘Just One Thing’ have been hugely successful in helping people change their lives for the better, with his lifestyle advice on diet, exercise and sleep. He is mentioned in My Library and someone who is a larger-than-life figure in the world of health, science and personal well-being for me.

So no one was more shocked than I was when I heard he had gone to Symi (a Greek Island) for a holiday with his wife, decided to take a walk from the beach back to his hotel, and to date has not been seen since.

What could have happened to him is still at the time of writing anyone’s guess? He appeared to have made it to the nearby town of Pedi after traversing along a rugged and rocky footpath, where there is the danger of falling into the sea, but his last sighting in the town is where the trail ends.

I think what is so unnerving for me is that he seemed invincible. Dr Mosley appeared to have his life ‘ together.’ in every way possible. He was a beacon of good habits, good choices, healthy, fit and successful. His work on health conveyed a feeling of where positive changes and crucially the right decisions, from the food put into your shopping trolley, to the workouts you gave to your body and mind can have such a lasting positive impact.

 Whatever his motives for deciding to walk in extreme heat, this news upholds two central beliefs I have, that being:

 1) We only have the present moment.

2) We can be one decision away from changing the trajectory of our lives, for better or worse.

A few years back I read ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Toll. It was suggested that I should read it as I anxiously awaited the results of a suspicious mammogram. This was my second recall, and I was convinced this time it must be cancer. Having known several people with the disease it brought home to me that I wasn’t invincible. I thought about my life in the past and was fearful of my future. I even felt anger, and yes even bitterness that my life could be cut short and for all the things I hadn’t had the chance to do.

Up to that point, I had taken my health for granted, having long-lived parents and thought my genes were strong. It did turn out that I had dodged the bullet once again (the suspicious result was simply a result of skin tissue being squashed and overlapping within the scanning machine) but this experience never left me. Life could not be taken for granted. As I left that hospital appointment I felt I had been given another chance.

Last night I picked up ‘The Power of Now’ and was reminded of the importance of this book. Eckhart Toll states:

” Realise deeply that the present moment is all you ever have. Make the Now the primary focus of your life.”

Life can be a lottery of chances, victories, mistakes, risks and the roads taken and not taken. With wisdom and hindsight, we try to make the best decisions based on our knowledge at the time. We know that life can be snatched away from us, at any given moment and that life isn’t fair or just and it appears that in this game called life, there are winners and losers.

How we navigate it comes down to choice and personal responsibility and to some extent where circumstances can be beyond our control.

As I fear for the safety of Dr Mosley all I know is one thing. The Now is all we have. We cannot cling on to the past, nor hold too tightly to what we hope to be the future. I try to live each day as if it were the last day I have on this earth. Doing what I can to contribute, making a difference, to leave a legacy, spread some kindness, care for others and do something which has meaning to me. That is all I can do.

 This is why I have set this blog up. The combination of audio, my words and pictures finally feels right for me and it is as important as the love and care I give to my family, friends and my paid work.

Take a moment to think about your life. There is a well-known saying that if you knew you only had three months left to live, would you carry on doing what you are doing?

What would you change?

What can you start changing today?

Sunday 9th June:

Update: It is with great shock and sadness that Dr Mosley has been found deceased. He appears to have taken a wrong turn on his walk, made a massive ascent up a hill and nearly made it back to a beach hotel, according to an internet statements from his wife Claire. It would appear that the heat was a likely factor in his death, and a post-mortem has confirmed he died from natural causes. My heart goes out to his family at this utterly terrible time for them. He will be so missed in the world of science and medicine. He leaves such a great legacy but his work will live on.

I still can’t believe that a man representing the right choices for living well could be taken too soon and it makes no sense. Life and death just feel like it hangs by a thread at any moment. We can do our best to not let it be cut short but there are no guarantees.

Live well my friends and enjoy each day. Be grateful for just being here, take hold of the power of Now and never let it go! His death just re-enforces this more than ever for me, and the trivial in life, plus any problems, placed more into prospective.

Walking Along a Carer’s Path

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Walking Along a Carer's Path
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Exhaustion is one word I didn’t say in my audio to describe the impact caring has on carers. Also, how caring can affect us not only emotionally but physically, especially those of us with our own health problems. I’m currently experiencing a flare-up of an old back injury due to the lifting of my grandson over several days. It’s easy to push our own needs aside when we are caring for others and just work through pain and discomfort.

I was interested to know the stats for unpaid carers. How many are there in the UK? How much were these people saving the economy every year? I was shocked. Here are some figures to illustrate the impact caring has:

The National Census of 2021 cited five million carers aged five and over in the UK. Yes, from age five, the plight of children in a carer’s role must be mentioned here.

Here are some figures from Carers UK.

75% of carers worry about juggling care and work commitments.

30% report their mental health was bad or very bad.

63% of carers were worrying about managing monthly costs.

The cost of unpaid care in relation to saving the economy money in England and Wales alone is a staggering 162 billion pounds a year. This figure almost matches the funding of the entire NHS for 2020/21.

How many of us define ourselves as carers, or where our labour has gone towards a caring role? What if we sat down and thought about all the direct and indirect care we give in our time towards others? I think many of you would be surprised. I asked myself this question during the last seven days and these are my examples:

I have helped care for a grandson for three days. One of these started at 07.30 and finished at 22.30.

I drove an elderly friend to the hairdressers which took up a morning.

The visit to my 94-year-old father in a residential home required a 70-mile drive.

The next day I saw one of my ‘adoptive style’ parents for the day who was visiting Norfolk before returning home, another long drive. She is approaching 90 and lives alone, and seeing her I know means a lot to her.

After writing this, I found a report illustrating the exact point I’m making. I don’t identify myself as a carer, but when I sat down and thought how much I do for others, it was quite a revelation.

All of the above illustrates one of the main reasons why I walk because it gives me the opportunity to get out of the house and to create some alone time, or an occasion to unwind with fellow walking friends. It creates freedom around my obligations of caring for others. Walking is free, flexible, adaptable and can be done at any free time, for as little or as long as you want. You can incorporate it around other activities, in this case, my two days away visiting elderly relatives. It also eases my back pain as well as helps two arthritic knees, also a casualty of caring when I was a nurse.

Supporting others has a cost, and from what I have briefly read so far, this cost appears to be increasing as we juggle a cost-of-living crisis and dwindling resources within the NHS and Adult Social care. Our national news recently highlighted how many councils can’t even meet basic care needs for people living at home and some are on the verge of bankruptcy.

This brings me to mention the new blogger I have connected with online from the USA and the power of writing to help others. I do hope you will look at Tina’s work. We are now helping each other to get our work noticed so others can benefit from our experiences. You can find her here. She would be so happy if you took a look at her site and left a comment.

The power of community can make a significant impact in terms of stress and the ability to cope. We need to help each other like never before, and the urgency has never been greater.

I’ll leave you at the church where I was sitting in Bungay, Norfolk where I recorded the introduction. I was sitting to the left of this picture, listening to the world go by and about to walk all around the village looking at the open gardens. My back was hurting but by the time I completed nearly 10,000 steps ( having enjoyed some beautiful gardens) my pain was gone and I felt so much lighter. I went on to enjoy the rest of my day and spent two hours with renewed energy visiting my dad who has vascular dementia. He was quite bright that afternoon and still knows who I am. I am blessed.

What care have you been giving this week?

What care have you given to yourself?

I know from writing this blog that I need to look after my own needs more consistently because I do far more than I realise for others.

See you next week.

The reference source for census 2021 @ www.ons.gov.uk

At A Crossroads

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Footsteps Conversations
Footsteps Conversations
At A Crossroads
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I learnt early on in life that if you wanted something badly, you had to work hard until you achieved it. So began my journey into nursing after seeing an advertisement when I was 11. This was a defining moment.

With the massive support and practical help of two ‘adoptive style’ parents, I transitioned into a young adult with enough basic qualifications to be accepted into what was then known as State Registered Nurse training. Those eight years leading up to that point were excellent training in itself. It taught me fortitude, resilience, and the attitude that you just kept going and grinding away until the polished, gleaming diamond of victory was in your hands.

However, the finished stone has one potential flaw with this mindset. When you hold on to something so tightly, It can slowly start to crush and diminish you. This is where I now mention the ego. If you attach your ego to where you see something as a ‘must have’, things can start to go wrong and work happiness starts to take a downward spiral.

Fast forward to thirty years later, I saw the pinnacle of my nursing career teaching a high-stakes health-care exam. I had completed some initial training and felt my years of experience would be the sail that would propel me into this very niche world of teaching. To date, I have helped eight people achieve this, but the price to me personally has been very high. The tears, the stress, the agony of when it isn’t a pass. I am a sensitive soul and initially my default mindset of, you just have to grind away at it until your teaching is polished enough automatically kicked in. To let go would admit defeat and for me this is unthinkable.  Of course, I have touched on perfectionism here and that’s another post. The rational me knows that teaching is a two-way street between student and tutor as far as the learning goes.

Pondering all of this on my walk in the forest, I thought, what if all this pushing, shoving and driving myself down this particular path is wrong? Am I now at a Crossroads where it’s OK to say enough is enough? This was not how I had envisaged it and thought this path was only going to get wider and longer. Now it was shrinking but crucially I was allowing it.  

One of the key things I have discovered over these last five years is that sometimes you have to let go and just trust you are moving towards something better. The need to control everything for me is huge due to 1) childhood fears and 2) the belief that it’s all down to me to make anything and everything happen are huge stones to let go of. 

Then, as I have touched on in my audio message, there is the power of gratitude and managing expectations as a counter force. Nothing is perfect and I believe that everything happens for a reason. I have been so grateful to have had this opportunity. The people’s lives I have helped to change who can now practice Medicine/Nursing in an English speaking country. I shall talk about the power of gratitude as a later date.

I am still exploring all my work options, but one thing is clear. Letting something go to let something else in is not failure. To think so is black-and-white thinking. Instead, to take the experience and move on, holding on to hopes more lightly. There is a balance between the argument of never giving up, versus allowing something new to move in and you move on.

At my May monthly writing group I attended last week, we were asked to bring a poem that spoke to us. I took Robert Frost’s ‘The Road Not Taken.’ It’s an excellent and famous poem and you can read it here. I would encourage you to think about your crossroads, the roads taken, the ones not, and the ones where you caught a glimpse of what was there and you have turned on your heels quickly and taken a U-turn. 

So, to sum up, this is what I would now say. When the diamonds of life’s endeavours sparkle, keep hold of them, dance, and shine with them. But when the diamonds turn to stones of grey heaviness, it’s time to extract the memories and experience of what they taught you, say thank you and let them fall from your hand. You can physically bury them if you want to, there’s a thought! I might do that. 

What do you think you need to let go of this week? What might appear instead if you did?

Your thoughts!

Walking Away from Clutter

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(Note, before I start, there is no audio this week. I intended to record once a fortnight, but it has been much easier to do this than I thought., so they have been appearing more. However, this week, the post is long enough without it. It needs no further introduction.

Theodore Roosevelt is quoted to have said.

“Comparison is the thief of Joy.”

This week I have my own adaptation of this beginning with a C word.

“Clutter is the thief of time.”

This is how I felt a couple of weeks ago after a frustrating one, which saw me trying to sell some things without much success. No-one wanted to buy the old camera in the second-hand electrical shop; the antique shop was shut, and I had spent several minutes trying to unlock an old phone (forgotten fingerprint recognition) to find out it was worthless. Also, it would cost me £15 to unlock to access any photos and then these would be automatically removed. Fortunately, I have Google photo back-up. I need them gone on this device for security if it was going to head over to the scrap metal pile in the recycle centre. I like to recycle and as you know from My Storyand am a keen environmentalist.

I have been progressing towards a Minimalist lifestyle for several years and when I moved to my present house in 2014, this was the catalyst for the removal of things which no longer served me or brought me joy, as Marie Condo beautifully illustrates in her work of how to tidy and de-clutter. There is a good article here from the Guardian if you want to read more about her work. It’s a great read.

I have found joy by giving things away many things on free sites and the people met with their stories. What my old shoe rack meant to someone else whose shoes were all over his bedroom floor, the spare slow cooker would help someone living on their own, working 12 hours shifts the chance to come back to a hot meal.

So, on my walk today, I thought more about this subject and wanted to write about it this week. These are the questions I have been asking myself?

How do I feel about letting things go that I don’t use, or don’t particularly like that have been bought by close people? The relationship between possessions and sentimental value and the guilt of letting them go, the psychological tug and pull. Should I let them go or stay? How would that person feel if they knew I had let them go?

 Do I let the 12 Doulton crystal Sherry glasses in their beaten-up original box, wrapped in newspaper go to the charity shop? I don’t want them, won’t use them but they are made of an expensive material. However, I probably would get very little for them financially. Given by my ‘adoptive’ Mother, I called my aunt from Oxford. She didn’t want them but because of sentimental reasons (wedding present I think) she couldn’t entirely part with them either, so gave them to me. And so the cycle goes on. They are currently under a spare bed because I have no where else to put them and have been there for several years.

What about the things in the loft I just cannot part with (because of my memories) but never see the light of day.

Then there are the three dresses of a designer label? Do I give Vinted a go? How much time will this take?

Do I just put everything on a FB selling page and see what happens? I have done this before with success, but these sites are full of potential scammers and time wasters now?

Do I try a car boot again, load up the car, get up at the crack of dawn, to bring it back home if it doesn’t sell?

The books I never read now but still love the subject with their pictures- Floristry.

Clutter takes up time, thinking time, practical time and this is a waste of time to me so my efforts to remove it to free up space in my life, in all ways is a priority.

Then once it is gone to not replace it. How many of us clear space only to fill it up again! How many times have I cleared the garage, the summer house where we used to live only for it to become junked up?  My husband can’t find the hoe in the garage for the mess and wanted to go and buy another one. I said no, I will find it. Clutter can cost us and I am sure we all have two bottle or packets of ‘this and that’ in our kitchen cupboards going out of date because we can’t find the first one.

I live in a home where space is a premium. We have one cupboard, one built in cupboard in one bedroom, a very small galley kitchen (plans to upgrade for increased space) and the hallways on two floors are narrow within a three-storey house. This has meant everything’s locations has had to be carefully thought about.

 Yet, this house also has a spacious quality to it because we have embraced a minimalist lifestyle and serves us in a way that we mostly enjoy. The garage is the last once and for all push and the underneath of one bed in the second bedroom which has memory boxes and my daughter’s christening and prom dress, and yes, those sherry glasses.

Then there are the mounds of paper. We have drowned in the stuff, having done many courses and qualifications in this household. I have just finished converting a study into a part nursery and toiled through 10 years of personal papers. it felt liberating to have the essential ones in one neat, boxed file and essential work resources in one filing cabinet. . A de-cluttered home is a more efficient one, that is certain and takes less time dusting, cleaning and crucially finding things.

There is work to do and decisions to make. On another walk I will come back and tell you how I got on with the answers to those questions when it is all complete.

If this post has sparked any thoughts or desires to aim for a more Minimalist lifestyle and you want to be inspired. then please go to My Library and look up Joshua Becker. He is the number one guru on this subject for me and is so convincing as to why you should give this a go.

Have a spacious week and I’ll leave you with my pictures depicting space and freedom to ponder over.

Walking with Someone

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Footsteps Conversations
Footsteps Conversations
Walking with Someone
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The Following short piece is taken from the book Mindfulness and the Natural World. Bringing our Awareness Back to Nature

” Mindfulness practice

Enjoying your Natural Senses

So often when we walk- to work, to the shops, to the train station, or with the dog- we are caught up in our thoughts and anxieties and unaware of all that is around us . For just 10 minutes of a walk that you do regularly , bring your attention to the experience of walking and become aware of any pleasurable sensations you notice, either in your body and its step-by-step movements or in the natural world around you- sunlight and shadows, the breeze flowing past , the feelings of warmth or cold, the scents in the air, the colours of flowers and trees, the song of birds, the sounds of insects and other animals. Each time you get distracted by your thoughts, acknowledge this, and gently bring your mind back to your senses. Enjoy the simple pleasures of being alive and part of life all around you.”

Claire Thompson.

Why not try this with a fellow walker and compare your experiences. I appreciate the subject of Mindfulness and loneliness are two distinct subjects. However, I have linked them because of the audio’s progression onto the subject. Mindfulness takes us away from the inner chatter inside our heads of worries and fears. Companionship can help us express these feelings, in a supportive way, in a calm natural environment when we are out walking with another or in a group.

A link to research by the UK government, published after the Covid Pandemic in 2022, between loneliness and mental health distress can be found here.

To discover more about mindfulness and its health benefits look at this NHS link for an introduction. It explains it well here.

I have learnt to be more Mindful in my walking and will focus on this during Mental Health Awareness week. I also know how much I have appreciated my close friends who have supported me during times of deep crisis and personal distress. Their support has been priceless and they know who they are if they are reading this. Thank you to each and everyone of them.

‘Mindfulness and the Natural World’ is published by Leaping Hare Press, @Ivy press Limited 2013.