Writing for me and for you- Part two

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Footsteps Conversations
Footsteps Conversations
Writing for me and for you- Part two
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The audio was recorded this last Sunday and sets the scene to the text. Do listen first, if you wish.

To illustrate how I find writing so useful, I will briefly describe a stressful situation.

Last week, my laptop suddenly lost all power, then the internet went down, and this last Sunday, just as I was about to begin teaching after five weeks of summer holiday, I fell ill. On Sunday morning I got out of bed groggy, a body like lead with pains and thought I had a virus or infection.

My router had been changed but had malfunctioned again. Open reach was booked to come out to see what the problem was.  My lesson for the next day was finished (using internet data on my mobile phone and pen and paper) but I didn’t know whether I would be well enough to return to work. My two lessons for Wednesday were unfinished and swirling around in my head. My students were waiting to start again and I had promised a teacher (not from England) a Zoom call on a Monday afternoon. I went out for a walk to get some air and to try and feel better.

Earlier in the week, when this change of events started to kick off, I got my present journal out and started writing. With all this going on, including a new kitchen installation planned months ago for the summer (so we could eat salad and not feel cold with the open doors). On Monday morning, I felt a bit better and as the day progressed, I improved and I attended work and managed the Zoom meeting.

Writing as therapy

I have learnt that when problems present themselves, you write them down and say how you are feeling. Then one week later, or however long it takes, go back to it and see if those problems were as bad as you thought. Today, I can write- resolved and how. My health has improved whilst waiting for a test result after seeing the doctor. Writing this way has made me realise that everything can work out and it’s not worth getting too anxious about anything. This has helped me enormously with habitual, low-grade anxiety and I would highly recommend it.

Writing in a journal

I have never been great at just recording events in a diary. I find that dull, but when I do record something, I try to write for the memories, how it felt, what was noticed, who was there and even what the weather was like. I started one notebook when I was 50 and sometimes there are months in between entries. That doesn’t matter.  It is good to recap and see how life has evolved. I will continue until the book is finished.

Writing for gratitude

I have written small notes, kept them in little bags, jars or boxes and dated them for anything that has happened that I’m grateful for, or for asking in prayer form for something specific. It is heartening to read them back. There have been some profound and touching statements. I have been very moved by some of them and many of my heartfelt desires have come true.

Writing for specific reasons:

In 2018, I started a social history diary where I write about wider issues of the day- politics, climate change, major events and where I predict what might happen in the future. I have recorded the centenary celebrations of WW1, Brexit, the Pandemic, General Elections, the Ukraine war and what is happening in Gaza. I want to leave it to my family. I also have a hunch that ink and pen writing will become scarcer as texting and the digital age will make old-fashioned pen and paper writing rarer.

Writing at the end of the day and detecting patterns

Last year, I was in a job that I absolutely hated for six months. It was a needs-must kind of work. I wrote in a type of journal that had tick boxes of positive and negative feelings. I would record these at the end of the day and quickly realised the patterns of what and whom that made me both happy and sad. It was very enlightening, and it helped make some decisions that had to be made. In spite of needing income I gave up the job and an opportunity that was much better came along instead. It was very useful to learn from and now looking back I was proud of coming through it all.

So, I hope I have given you some ideas to think about. Writing this has reinforced why I do what I do and I encourage you to give it a go too. I finished this post late last night finally getting back on track after a stressful week.

Until next time……

Writing for me and for you- part one

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Footsteps Conversations
Footsteps Conversations
Writing for me and for you- part one
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All my audios are a complement to my posts and are not merely a transcript. I encourage you to listen first to set the scene.

Putting on your writing shoes

“Spill what comes to you on the page.”

So says author Beth Kempton as I attended one of her writing sanctuaries last year, having bought her book ‘The Way of the Fearless Writer’. So, I begin with a story.

One day in 2005, I was given a pen, after a period of counselling, which prompted me to start writing. I was then a hesitant writer, a clumsy writer, as I put pen to paper in a blog format called one thoughtful woman. Plagued by doubt, my early experiences with English had left me with little confidence.

Early writing experiences

 My early schooling, wrecked by bullying, eventually left its mark across all academic subjects, including being a weak grammarian. My first sitting for exams at age 16 saw me achieve two O-levels, History and Geography. I also passed a CSE one in English, but I termed this last one as not a ‘proper’ English Language qualification. I saw CSEs as second best which largely they were for their time.

The formal study of English Literature had been denied me two years earlier when I failed the mock exam by 2%. It took me two more attempts to scrape a C grade at O-level English Language, something which haunted any effort to see myself as a ‘serious’ writer until only fairly recently.

The Journey begins

I started a blog in my early forties when I returned to formal education ( University of East Anglia) and two things happened. I started to form an identity as a scholar and began to take off academically. This thrilled me, but I still had the old mindset of not taking myself seriously as a competent writer, outside of the lecture room. I bought books for my essay writing which still needed huge grammatical input and began to teach myself.

Fast forward to the pandemic, I remember going out for a walk and asking the Universe for a sign. Yes, I know for many of you that sounds rather weird, but I had been reading about the Law of Attraction and thought I would give it a go. In the middle of a deserted, featureless, bare concrete path there lay a feather right in front of me. Years ago, I had bought a quill feather with an ink pot and this had been mainly used as an ornament/novelty. I stopped dead in my tracks and picked it up. Was it telling me something about writing and if it had a future for me?

 I took the feather home. It sat on the shelve, nudging me from time to time to take up the pen again. I stared at it, but what was I really to write about? My previous blog had produced no clear pathway or subject and I had stopped it. I needed to find my niche, my story, and what I cared enough about to form the discipline required to write something of real substance. The months passed by, but the thought never left me, resurfacing from time to time.

The momentum picks up

Then, In the summer of 2022, after another significant life event, I saw on Facebook a free summer writing sanctuary by Beth Kempton, the Japanologist and published author of books including ‘Wabi Sabi’ and ‘Freedom Seeker’. I was working hard at that point and had little time to indulge, but a little voice told me to sign up and do it anyway. I think this was my epiphany moment.

One of the exercises was to go and write outside. Beth uses the idea of writing sparks (a piece of poetry or writing to act as inspiration) and a previous spark of own, from reading John Lewis Stemple’s ‘Meadowland’ combined with walking in nature, and the love of big skies all came together. One day I was sitting at a Ford in South Acre, Norfolk, a place of many happy memories and started to write. I had no idea what was going to be created until the pen touched the paper and I just let my mind go.

The writing paradigm shifts.

A painter can paint what he sees outside, why not a writer then? This introduced me to a whole new way of thinking about where writing comes from. What ignites the words, the vision, story, of what needs to be written? And the exciting thing of all was that I found it so easy, like a lid from a paint pot finally opening and all that fresh new paint spilling out waiting to be seen.

The Summer Writing Sanctuary produced vibrant colours. Exercise after exercise made me bolder, and braver and I would read out loud what I had written and thought where has this come from?  Soon nature and writing became as one, two halves, like a pair of walking shoes waiting to be put on to find unity, wholeness and a whole new sense of direction. It was from all of this that I walk beside you now with footstep conversations.

Where do we go from here?

Next week, I will continue to walk you through how you can write and why it is so powerful and good for us as an activity. There are many ways in which you can write for yourself, and for others and how to get started with some signposts to help you navigate your own road map.

Beth is currently doing another Summer Sanctuary and it’s completely free. I would encourage you to take a look at her work at https://dowhatyouloveforlife.com/ She is amazing and gives so much of herself and her time to help us become who we are called to be, with so many different courses at incredible value. She has also introduced me to Substack where you can also find her. I have created my own account but have yet to decide how I am going to use it.

Until next time and part 2. I hope you have a great week.

So Near and Yet So Far

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So Near and Yet So Far
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“Failure is success in progress.”

Albert Einstein

A definition of the word failure from the Cambridge Online Dictionary:

“The fact of someone or something not succeeding.”

A personal perspective of re-framing the word/feeling as a result of not succeeding in a set goal or task.

As I walked with this word these are the thoughts that came to mind in the light of my own experiences:

The opportunity to do things differently.

A result from which I can learn and grow from.

The choice/chance to take another direction.

Success is just around the corner.

Something better is going to come to you.

To evaluate what I should/could be doing differently.

The wake-up call to not keep pushing the wrong door open.

The chance to pause, be still and think about what I should be doing next.

A stepping stone from which I can propel forward.

An acknowledgement that I did my best but this is not for me and that’s OK.

A loss before a win.

Putting a slide- rule over a decision and taking a long hard look at it.

A pothole in the road you can’t avoid. You can walk over it, or you can walk around it but keep moving on.

When failure occurs you get to choose (depending on the circumstances) which one of these reframings you decide on and which fits your best situation.

For me, the sentence expressing a feeling that something is not right is the one that speaks the most with an area of my professional work coming under review.

To heal from failure:

It’s OK to say I am hurt, feel the pain and don’t try and cover it up. Sit with it, alone, in silence with coffee, with family and friends. Take your time and only you will know when you are ready to take the next step.

The hardest but most important thing of all is, don’t compare yourself to others. Focus squarely on yourself- so in this case you can be selfish. Give yourself lots of self-care for repair. You will be writing your prescription for healing (in doing so) that is unique to you.

Sometimes, your circumstances will mean you can’t sit for long because of a commitment you have to another- a student, a family member or an employer. Get out of bed and show up, however hard it is, because that momentum will force you out of a sinkhole of sadness and mental paralysis. Do what needs to be done and then pause, and take a rest when you can.

Try to keep the ego out of failure. This is not easy as our self-esteem have been bashed but hurt pride could force you into an action that leads to another mistake. Detach the ego with the result you have just had, and this will allow you to look at it more objectively and help you make the next step less likely to be the wrong one.

Above all, don’t hurry, create some space and take your time even if your day-to-day routine has to be active. Your rational self will come up for air. Failure makes you vulnerable, acknowledge it and give yourself time to think through the bigger picture. You could be just one move from getting that next decision right, or one move away from compounding the error.

Realising failure means that you are fully living. It shows you are prepared to take risks, rather than hide in the shadows. You are experiencing all life has to offer, the opposite of stasis, procrastination or just existence.

To experience failure is to know that you are embracing life in all its yin and yang, ebb and flow, ups and downs, black and white, push and pull, opposite forces, good and bad.

For me, the biggest failure was a catalyst to find a whole new path where eventually I would find the greatest happiness and success. I didn’t realise it at the time but it opened up a gateway of opportunities that I never thought were imaginable.

In conclusion:

Ultimately you and your thoughts get to choose what happens next

Acknowledge it

Feel and sit with it

Take responsibility for it

Realise that whatever has happened the result is in, and you can’t go back and change it

It doesn’t have to be repeated

Be big enough to say I made mistakes, but that could have been out of fear, panic, not knowing, inexperience, poor tuition, lack of support or temporary skill or just plain bad luck.

Say ultimately this wasn’t for you right now. It may be in the future, it may not but usually what happens is for a reason and it will all come good in the end.

You can be victorious, but you will doubt it for a while. Give yourself grace and time to rise to see beyond the defeat.  

Don’t compare failure to shame- know the difference. The ego is hurt, yes, but shame is often a feeling when you have done something wrong causing hurt to others and that is a completely different curve ball.

I feel I have only touched upon this subject and may need to come back to it. I leave you with one final statement which my experiences have taught me the most.

Above all failure teaches us humility and compassion.

Until next week…………..

Reference https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/failure accessed online 5th August 2024.

Images from Positivity Flip Chart, A Positive Phrase For Every Week Of The Year, Lisa Angel @Floral Positivity Flip Chart, Norwich, NR136LH.

Walking with an Ikigai

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Footsteps Conversations
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Walking with an Ikigai
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( I suggest you listen to the audio after reading this post)

I’ve just woken up from a lovely dream. I was in a favourite garden with all my friends. The sun was shining, and people were enjoying themselves. People I cared about were laughing, eating, and celebrating something good. The energy was high and the feeling was good. Life felt great and with lots of meaning and connections.

I come back to the present moment. It’s raining again, with the usual grey skies this summer is giving us. Once upon a time, this weather would have sent my spirits spiralling but no longer. I lay in silence listening to the rain and my energy is high and I feel such a sense of gratitude because of where I had just been in that dream. I thank the Universe for the life I have now and the people in it.

Every day I wake up I feel the same. Waking up and then getting up was once difficult for me. When you are in the grip of deep depression everything is weighed down by treacle, a heavy force that keeps you trudging through life. It’s exhausting; your senses are numbed and your energy is almost empty.

That has all been flipped on its head. It took years, about three amazing pieces of luck or miracles. However you wish to look at it, for me to arrive here where I am today, I have truly found my Ikigai.

Let me introduce you to the book ‘Ikigai- The Japanese Secret to a long and happy life.’ This work researches the human experience but crucially what it takes to live a long and happy life. This post is not a book review, this would almost miss the point. Instead, I want to digger deeper as to why having an Ikigai (a purpose for living) is so powerful.

I was talking about retirement recently and what that looks and feels like to the individual. There is a huge amount of evidence to say that retiring isn’t a positive thing to do, quite the opposite. I think we can all recall hearing of how one person retires one week, and they are dead by the next. Then we can look at the examples of working until you are in your 90s with such a powerful sense of purpose, Sir David Attenborough springs to mind and you might want to read the example I give here.

It depends on what you mean by retirement. To have liberation from having to work for money is an absolute gift that most of us would admit is one goal we would like to aspire to. To have a pension or passive income streams are two such golden gateways to freedom of time.

 One marker of wealth is to have the freedom to choose what you do with your day according to Morgan Housel in his book ‘The Psychology of Money’, which I am now reading. Freeing up time gives you the space to think about the activities you do that give you the most pleasure. However, what truly is the driver of longevity isn’t about pursuits of pleasure but activities which give contribution, growth, service and a sense of community.

The book Ikigai can be summarised in the following ways:

1) People who enjoy the longest and happiest lives have a strong sense of purpose.

2) Their relationships with people within their families and communities are high.

3) They move daily, and their lives are busy and full. Often their exercise is not intense but prolonged with gardening high on their list of activities as they grow their own food.

4) They eat a diet largely based on fruit and vegetables, protein and reduced meat consumption.

5) They practice Eastern traditions of gentle movements, including Tai Chi and meditation.

6) They find a state of steady focus and flow in everything they do.

7) They have learnt the art of resilience and managing stress.

The researchers of this book interviewed people from all over the world and named five areas called Blue Zones where the population had all these traits.

They are: ( the audio quotes the precise reasons behind each area. Forgive me for the pronunciation if it’s said not quite correctly)

1) Okinawa, Japan,

2) Sardinia, Italy

3) Loma Linda, California

4) The Nicoya Peninsula, Costa Rica

5) Ikaria, Greece.

Going back to the day job, the book breaks down Ikigai into four areas which are placed into overlapping circles. This is the opportunity to ask yourself where you sit within these circles and to be honest with the answers. It also allows you to ask some further questions. These could be challenging for you if you don’t want to hear the answers you give back to yourself.

Look at these categories:

Passion: what you love

Mission: what the world needs

Vocation: What you can be paid for

Profession: What you are good at.

To have all four of these is truly I believe the elixir to life, the Holy Grail and the running water that quenches your deepest desires.  To have a job that embraces all these things is the greatest gift you can give to yourself and the world.  It doesn’t have to be all paid work either, serving a church community or voluntary work are all valuable and many people interviewed in the book did such community work.

Sadly, many people are forced into the fast lane, a world where money has to be King because of the cost of living and because we are taught by the news and social media to compare, envy and feel dissatisfied when we think we fall short. This drives us into jobs we hate just for money, getting stuck on a treadmill of existence and getting by. The rinse and repeat of getting up on a Monday morning and knowing that you must do it all over again with no end in sight.

But what if you could break free from that?

It’s not easy but the subtle shift has to start with you. One leap of faith, one action, one opportunity, one new habit and one sprinkling of hope are the keys which can unlock many doors.

One of the most influencing things about pain is it is one of the mightiest and strongest forms of good. It is an emotion you never forget, but if you can move away from it ( knowing the energy and courage it took to move away from it) this will never leave you. I’m not talking about the pain of grief and losing a loved one here. That’s a different type of pain. I am talking about the pain within yourself because of the need for change.

I remember my greyest of days back in the winter of 2010. I asked myself what had I done to have ever deserved this. I felt pity towards myself. Pity is the most wretched feeling in the world, and I believe the worst feeling of all. At that crossroads you have a choice, give up, or carry on. I looked around me and went outside. I pulled up a weed and then another one. It was the start of a long journey that has me writing here today, doing what I do. My Ikigai has never been more powerful.

Was it hard to change my world? Yes, there are no shortcuts. Did I have setbacks? Yes, many. Did I have breakthroughs through consistent effort and the drive to keep going? Yes, and when they came, they tasted like the sweetest of honey. Did I lift myself out of depression? Yes, but depression is like a healed scar. You are vulnerable and you know when you must put on the brake to put in some self-care. There is always a risk you could end up back in the treacle and not the honey. I am determined never to be in the vat of treacle ever again.

It’s 09.00, the rain has stopped, and the day is starting. I’m thankful and glad to be alive ( see last week’s post) and I want to live a long time because there is much I have missed out on and still much to do. I will be sharing more about how I am trying to keep physically as healthy as possible, but I do believe health starts in the mind.

As one of the greatest mentors in human growth and development, Jim Rhon once said,

“When your why is big enough, you will find a way to know the how.”

Until next week…..

References:

@ Audio Extract from Chapter one ‘ The Art of Staying Young While Growing Old’, page 12 of ‘Ikigai, The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life,’ Hector Garcia, Francesc Miralles, Penguin Random House, UK 2016

Here is a link to the book itself.

A Visit to a Church- solitude part 2

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A Visit to a Church- solitude part 2
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In this week’s audio, I have included a small extract from the book ‘Steeple Chasing’ by Peter Ross.

Also, my writing in the church from last week’s post from St Mary’s Snettisham with edits and additional thoughts.

“I hear a pitter, patter on the roof. I have no idea what it is as it is not raining. It doesn’t sound like the wind, more like a swarm of flies, but having just walked around the whole perimeter of the church there was nothing to see and all was very quiet.

Then there is the ping of my phone. I’ll put it on silent as the two visitors behind me (glance) are praying…. Writing pauses.

Oh, the ping is from my aunt. She needs some information.

“Can you reply now if possible?”

She is trying to organise a holiday next year for us and the booking is time sensitive. Even when no one is with me, there is a presence, an example of a demand that requires an immediate response.

I’ve thought of going on a Retreat, one where no one can reach you and phones are switched off. However, you know what it is like, the tug and pull of people. I can’t turn my phone off. What if someone needs you when Dad is ill, or your daughter is trying to get hold of you?

I can see why Dr Mosley left his phone at the hotel on that fateful June Walk in Greece of which he never got to his destination, to be away from the distractions. I have given myself countless promises to get out more, just to get in the car and drive. A friend would say it’s a lack of boundaries and they would be right.

Why am I even able to sit here today? Because I’m off my childcare duties due to recovering from something contagious, now resolved, but a day off just to be on the safe side with a 10-month-old grandson to think about.

This comes back to a past post of squeezing and compressed time. As I have said before, this blog has a life of its own. Many of these posts’ subjects can overlap with common links and interconnections. This is one of the many surprises since setting up footstep conversations.

What feels certain is that silence doesn’t feel bad, quite the contrary. There is solitude and there is loneliness. You can be in a crowd and feel lonely. You can be on your own but know there is a network of people out there holding you up. I think of my penfriend in Australia. I have only ever seen her three times over the 40 years we have known each other but her presence is always there. This is one of the advantages of the technological age. Our video calls and messages, sending photos and thoughts have sustained me over many years.

Solitude is not bad for us, but loneliness is and that’s the difference. The data informs us in numerous studies that loneliness is damaging to our long-term physical and mental health. Here is just one of them.

I’m waiting for the phone to ping again, but it hasn’t. Maybe, I can sit here a little longer……..”

Are you lonely? Do you just require peace and some alone time, or are both relevant in your life?

What could you do about this?

Until next time….

If you want to read Philip Larkin’s poem, ‘Church Going’ there is a link to it here.

Photographs from St Mary’s Church, Snettisham, Norfolk.

‘Steeple Chasing, Around Britain by Church,’ Peter Ross, Crown, page 357, Headline Publishing Group, 2023.

Walking along the coast and solitude

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Walking along the coast and solitude
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I have decided to write this blog as two separate posts as I visited two locations on the same day. Each offers a different perspective of being alone and in stillness. To make a connection with the audio, this describes my coastal walk and next week is from a local church and what was experienced there.

Snettisham is on the North Norfolk Coast and what a lovely summer day after all the cold and rain. What immediately hit home was why do I not give myself the space and the permission to do this more. The last time I came to this beach was a year ago.  A blanket of calm swept over me like the tide coming into the beach.

My heart felt lighter, and this felt like another home to me, one without walls, restrictions and representing the highest form of freedom and physical expression. There was a radiance with the sunshine bouncing off the waves. The air looked fresh and clean like a cleansing tonic. As I breathed it in, the words started to form.

I sat, took out my notebook writing a few prompters to guide my message. The bicycle passed, and then I hit the record on my phone. After talking to you, what did I notice?

The flowers were striking.

I realised that birdsong comes in waves and little groups. You didn’t hear them all at once.

I walked along and photographed some flowers. Some were a bit blurry as there was a stiff breeze despite it being a calm day. I have chosen the two best here.

There was a little boat moored in the sand. Another was in the dunes. I wanted to photograph them, but I couldn’t reach one because of the terrain and the overgrowth. My mobile phone couldn’t capture the other in the distance very well (sun glare on the screen) At that moment, I realised that the Universe didn’t want me to sell my bigger bridge fuji with my recent decluttering efforts. It needed to be with me and to be here. Mobile phones can also make us lazy photographers. They certainly have made me this way when I look back at some of my earlier work many years ago.

Blue rope cordoned off for ground-nesting birds such as the Oyster Catchers.

 I listened out for the birds, and these were the following:

House Sparrows, Black Headed Gulls, Meadow Pipit, Eurasian Linnet, GoldFinches, Oystercatchers, Dunnock.

A couple of people were using a metal detector to pick up any beach treasure. I could hear it bleep.

In stillness, my eyes were scanning around me. I was starting to notice. As I walked, I had to bring myself back to the view. My monkey mind wanted to create an internal conversation so I brought my attention back to where I was. How often do you get distracted by that little voice prompting you about what you need to get back to, or what happened yesterday?

This wasn’t a long walk and some of it was sitting. I only had an hour on the car parking ticket, due to the costings (coastal car parks in prime areas are calculated carefully. An hour was £2- fine, but anything over time that jumped to £5 -clever and there was a little part of me hurrying to get to the next location as time was precious. I wanted to do as much as I could. Normally this would have been a childcare day. I was only off duty because I was still recuperating (see last week’s blog). This hit home about time is not always as flexible as I think it is and still a works in progress.

I then took myself to Snettisham church where the journey continues ( for next week).

What did I take away from this time?

To be honest, it was a glorious time away.

I felt at peace, happy and authentic to myself and what I enjoyed.

This walk was part of who I am now, a lover of nature, the environment and the outside world.

I felt restored, even for that short afternoon. I could go back to my ‘other’ world happily.

This was a good anchoring experience for me. I thought about the last two years (in particular) and it all made sense and I was proud of how far I had come. I love my chairs and my churches as well. The church came next!

Overall, it was a great afternoon out and I hope to get out to see a poppy field on Friday.

Walking Along a Carer’s Path

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Walking Along a Carer's Path
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Exhaustion is one word I didn’t say in my audio to describe the impact caring has on carers. Also, how caring can affect us not only emotionally but physically, especially those of us with our own health problems. I’m currently experiencing a flare-up of an old back injury due to the lifting of my grandson over several days. It’s easy to push our own needs aside when we are caring for others and just work through pain and discomfort.

I was interested to know the stats for unpaid carers. How many are there in the UK? How much were these people saving the economy every year? I was shocked. Here are some figures to illustrate the impact caring has:

The National Census of 2021 cited five million carers aged five and over in the UK. Yes, from age five, the plight of children in a carer’s role must be mentioned here.

Here are some figures from Carers UK.

75% of carers worry about juggling care and work commitments.

30% report their mental health was bad or very bad.

63% of carers were worrying about managing monthly costs.

The cost of unpaid care in relation to saving the economy money in England and Wales alone is a staggering 162 billion pounds a year. This figure almost matches the funding of the entire NHS for 2020/21.

How many of us define ourselves as carers, or where our labour has gone towards a caring role? What if we sat down and thought about all the direct and indirect care we give in our time towards others? I think many of you would be surprised. I asked myself this question during the last seven days and these are my examples:

I have helped care for a grandson for three days. One of these started at 07.30 and finished at 22.30.

I drove an elderly friend to the hairdressers which took up a morning.

The visit to my 94-year-old father in a residential home required a 70-mile drive.

The next day I saw one of my ‘adoptive style’ parents for the day who was visiting Norfolk before returning home, another long drive. She is approaching 90 and lives alone, and seeing her I know means a lot to her.

After writing this, I found a report illustrating the exact point I’m making. I don’t identify myself as a carer, but when I sat down and thought how much I do for others, it was quite a revelation.

All of the above illustrates one of the main reasons why I walk because it gives me the opportunity to get out of the house and to create some alone time, or an occasion to unwind with fellow walking friends. It creates freedom around my obligations of caring for others. Walking is free, flexible, adaptable and can be done at any free time, for as little or as long as you want. You can incorporate it around other activities, in this case, my two days away visiting elderly relatives. It also eases my back pain as well as helps two arthritic knees, also a casualty of caring when I was a nurse.

Supporting others has a cost, and from what I have briefly read so far, this cost appears to be increasing as we juggle a cost-of-living crisis and dwindling resources within the NHS and Adult Social care. Our national news recently highlighted how many councils can’t even meet basic care needs for people living at home and some are on the verge of bankruptcy.

This brings me to mention the new blogger I have connected with online from the USA and the power of writing to help others. I do hope you will look at Tina’s work. We are now helping each other to get our work noticed so others can benefit from our experiences. You can find her here. She would be so happy if you took a look at her site and left a comment.

The power of community can make a significant impact in terms of stress and the ability to cope. We need to help each other like never before, and the urgency has never been greater.

I’ll leave you at the church where I was sitting in Bungay, Norfolk where I recorded the introduction. I was sitting to the left of this picture, listening to the world go by and about to walk all around the village looking at the open gardens. My back was hurting but by the time I completed nearly 10,000 steps ( having enjoyed some beautiful gardens) my pain was gone and I felt so much lighter. I went on to enjoy the rest of my day and spent two hours with renewed energy visiting my dad who has vascular dementia. He was quite bright that afternoon and still knows who I am. I am blessed.

What care have you been giving this week?

What care have you given to yourself?

I know from writing this blog that I need to look after my own needs more consistently because I do far more than I realise for others.

See you next week.

The reference source for census 2021 @ www.ons.gov.uk

At A Crossroads

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Footsteps Conversations
Footsteps Conversations
At A Crossroads
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I learnt early on in life that if you wanted something badly, you had to work hard until you achieved it. So began my journey into nursing after seeing an advertisement when I was 11. This was a defining moment.

With the massive support and practical help of two ‘adoptive style’ parents, I transitioned into a young adult with enough basic qualifications to be accepted into what was then known as State Registered Nurse training. Those eight years leading up to that point were excellent training in itself. It taught me fortitude, resilience, and the attitude that you just kept going and grinding away until the polished, gleaming diamond of victory was in your hands.

However, the finished stone has one potential flaw with this mindset. When you hold on to something so tightly, It can slowly start to crush and diminish you. This is where I now mention the ego. If you attach your ego to where you see something as a ‘must have’, things can start to go wrong and work happiness starts to take a downward spiral.

Fast forward to thirty years later, I saw the pinnacle of my nursing career teaching a high-stakes health-care exam. I had completed some initial training and felt my years of experience would be the sail that would propel me into this very niche world of teaching. To date, I have helped eight people achieve this, but the price to me personally has been very high. The tears, the stress, the agony of when it isn’t a pass. I am a sensitive soul and initially my default mindset of, you just have to grind away at it until your teaching is polished enough automatically kicked in. To let go would admit defeat and for me this is unthinkable.  Of course, I have touched on perfectionism here and that’s another post. The rational me knows that teaching is a two-way street between student and tutor as far as the learning goes.

Pondering all of this on my walk in the forest, I thought, what if all this pushing, shoving and driving myself down this particular path is wrong? Am I now at a Crossroads where it’s OK to say enough is enough? This was not how I had envisaged it and thought this path was only going to get wider and longer. Now it was shrinking but crucially I was allowing it.  

One of the key things I have discovered over these last five years is that sometimes you have to let go and just trust you are moving towards something better. The need to control everything for me is huge due to 1) childhood fears and 2) the belief that it’s all down to me to make anything and everything happen are huge stones to let go of. 

Then, as I have touched on in my audio message, there is the power of gratitude and managing expectations as a counter force. Nothing is perfect and I believe that everything happens for a reason. I have been so grateful to have had this opportunity. The people’s lives I have helped to change who can now practice Medicine/Nursing in an English speaking country. I shall talk about the power of gratitude as a later date.

I am still exploring all my work options, but one thing is clear. Letting something go to let something else in is not failure. To think so is black-and-white thinking. Instead, to take the experience and move on, holding on to hopes more lightly. There is a balance between the argument of never giving up, versus allowing something new to move in and you move on.

At my May monthly writing group I attended last week, we were asked to bring a poem that spoke to us. I took Robert Frost’s ‘The Road Not Taken.’ It’s an excellent and famous poem and you can read it here. I would encourage you to think about your crossroads, the roads taken, the ones not, and the ones where you caught a glimpse of what was there and you have turned on your heels quickly and taken a U-turn. 

So, to sum up, this is what I would now say. When the diamonds of life’s endeavours sparkle, keep hold of them, dance, and shine with them. But when the diamonds turn to stones of grey heaviness, it’s time to extract the memories and experience of what they taught you, say thank you and let them fall from your hand. You can physically bury them if you want to, there’s a thought! I might do that. 

What do you think you need to let go of this week? What might appear instead if you did?

Your thoughts!

Walking with Someone

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Footsteps Conversations
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Walking with Someone
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The Following short piece is taken from the book Mindfulness and the Natural World. Bringing our Awareness Back to Nature

” Mindfulness practice

Enjoying your Natural Senses

So often when we walk- to work, to the shops, to the train station, or with the dog- we are caught up in our thoughts and anxieties and unaware of all that is around us . For just 10 minutes of a walk that you do regularly , bring your attention to the experience of walking and become aware of any pleasurable sensations you notice, either in your body and its step-by-step movements or in the natural world around you- sunlight and shadows, the breeze flowing past , the feelings of warmth or cold, the scents in the air, the colours of flowers and trees, the song of birds, the sounds of insects and other animals. Each time you get distracted by your thoughts, acknowledge this, and gently bring your mind back to your senses. Enjoy the simple pleasures of being alive and part of life all around you.”

Claire Thompson.

Why not try this with a fellow walker and compare your experiences. I appreciate the subject of Mindfulness and loneliness are two distinct subjects. However, I have linked them because of the audio’s progression onto the subject. Mindfulness takes us away from the inner chatter inside our heads of worries and fears. Companionship can help us express these feelings, in a supportive way, in a calm natural environment when we are out walking with another or in a group.

A link to research by the UK government, published after the Covid Pandemic in 2022, between loneliness and mental health distress can be found here.

To discover more about mindfulness and its health benefits look at this NHS link for an introduction. It explains it well here.

I have learnt to be more Mindful in my walking and will focus on this during Mental Health Awareness week. I also know how much I have appreciated my close friends who have supported me during times of deep crisis and personal distress. Their support has been priceless and they know who they are if they are reading this. Thank you to each and everyone of them.

‘Mindfulness and the Natural World’ is published by Leaping Hare Press, @Ivy press Limited 2013.

Morning Glory

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Morning Glory
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I don’t know of anyone who doesn’t enjoy the sound of bird songs. Nature’s Choral Symphony is celebrated in May with International Dawn Chorus Day- the first Sunday in May. What has been inspiring is that not only have I just discovered this, but something else exciting too, this being the Merlin app to help identify bird sounds recommended by a friend who had commented on my blog. 

About a couple of weeks ago, I visited Foxley Woods near East Dereham, Norfolk, well known for its best display of Bluebells in this area. It had been on my visit list for years, and I was determined to walk through and photograph the display for one of my early May posts. The display of Bluebells was stunning, even if the walk to get to them took over half an hour. The walkway was well signposted and took you on a circular walk with signposts, so it was easy to navigate and not get lost.

Having mentioned bird song in my last audio, I thought it would be nice to record some bird sound, which I did in the woods- thinking this 35-second clip would be featured here. However, this is where this blog has a mind of its own and where one step leads to another for more discoveries. 

Once home, I searched ‘ birdsong’ on my phone’s internet and discovered that there are mental health benefits to listening to the birds as well as learning about International Dawn Chorus Day. It just happened to be close to the next release of my post. I thought it was perfect timing, why not get up early and record some bird song to feature here.

So, on Saturday, I installed Merlin the Bird Sound app and was all set to identify what birds I have in my area. I know there are many house sparrows- our bushes are alive with them, house martins, bluetits, blackbirds and our faithful collared doves and pigeons.

If you want to find out more about bird songs and why birds sing in the early morning and International Dawn Chorus Day, take a look at the RSPB site here. It explains everything so well.

Having checked the time of sunrise on my weather app, I set the alarm for 05.15, and once it went off, I saw the morning was already light, and thought, am I too late? However, once outside, I realised there were still plenty of birdsong. We have robins, but they like to catch the first light, so I didn’t hear any of them. I was so excited to know we had wrens somewhere outside our front door and a Linnet detected along the Green to the back of us.

I spent several minutes outside, once this audio here had finished and found this a great experience. What initially was an outing to Foxley has led to discovering something else, and this is what I am enjoying the most about writing and recording for this endeavour.

If you would like to discover more about the mental health benefits of listening to birds, I have included some references here.

The Natural History Museum:

https://www.nhm.ac.uk/discover/how-listening-to-bird-song-can-transform-our-mental-health.html

King’s College London:

https://www.kcl.ac.uk/news/feeling-chirpy-being-around-birds-is-linked-to-lasting-mental-health-benefits

Why not get up at dawn for a short walk and try this for yourself. Happy listening!