So Near and Yet So Far
“Failure is success in progress.”
Albert Einstein
A definition of the word failure from the Cambridge Online Dictionary:
“The fact of someone or something not succeeding.”
A personal perspective of re-framing the word/feeling as a result of not succeeding in a set goal or task.
As I walked with this word these are the thoughts that came to mind in the light of my own experiences:
The opportunity to do things differently.
A result from which I can learn and grow from.
The choice/chance to take another direction.
Success is just around the corner.
Something better is going to come to you.
To evaluate what I should/could be doing differently.
The wake-up call to not keep pushing the wrong door open.
The chance to pause, be still and think about what I should be doing next.
A stepping stone from which I can propel forward.
An acknowledgement that I did my best but this is not for me and that’s OK.
A loss before a win.
Putting a slide- rule over a decision and taking a long hard look at it.
A pothole in the road you can’t avoid. You can walk over it, or you can walk around it but keep moving on.
When failure occurs you get to choose (depending on the circumstances) which one of these reframings you decide on and which fits your best situation.
For me, the sentence expressing a feeling that something is not right is the one that speaks the most with an area of my professional work coming under review.
To heal from failure:
It’s OK to say I am hurt, feel the pain and don’t try and cover it up. Sit with it, alone, in silence with coffee, with family and friends. Take your time and only you will know when you are ready to take the next step.
The hardest but most important thing of all is, don’t compare yourself to others. Focus squarely on yourself- so in this case you can be selfish. Give yourself lots of self-care for repair. You will be writing your prescription for healing (in doing so) that is unique to you.
Sometimes, your circumstances will mean you can’t sit for long because of a commitment you have to another- a student, a family member or an employer. Get out of bed and show up, however hard it is, because that momentum will force you out of a sinkhole of sadness and mental paralysis. Do what needs to be done and then pause, and take a rest when you can.
Try to keep the ego out of failure. This is not easy as our self-esteem have been bashed but hurt pride could force you into an action that leads to another mistake. Detach the ego with the result you have just had, and this will allow you to look at it more objectively and help you make the next step less likely to be the wrong one.
Above all, don’t hurry, create some space and take your time even if your day-to-day routine has to be active. Your rational self will come up for air. Failure makes you vulnerable, acknowledge it and give yourself time to think through the bigger picture. You could be just one move from getting that next decision right, or one move away from compounding the error.
Realising failure means that you are fully living. It shows you are prepared to take risks, rather than hide in the shadows. You are experiencing all life has to offer, the opposite of stasis, procrastination or just existence.
To experience failure is to know that you are embracing life in all its yin and yang, ebb and flow, ups and downs, black and white, push and pull, opposite forces, good and bad.
For me, the biggest failure was a catalyst to find a whole new path where eventually I would find the greatest happiness and success. I didn’t realise it at the time but it opened up a gateway of opportunities that I never thought were imaginable.
In conclusion:
Ultimately you and your thoughts get to choose what happens next
Acknowledge it
Feel and sit with it
Take responsibility for it
Realise that whatever has happened the result is in, and you can’t go back and change it
It doesn’t have to be repeated
Be big enough to say I made mistakes, but that could have been out of fear, panic, not knowing, inexperience, poor tuition, lack of support or temporary skill or just plain bad luck.
Say ultimately this wasn’t for you right now. It may be in the future, it may not but usually what happens is for a reason and it will all come good in the end.
You can be victorious, but you will doubt it for a while. Give yourself grace and time to rise to see beyond the defeat.
Don’t compare failure to shame- know the difference. The ego is hurt, yes, but shame is often a feeling when you have done something wrong causing hurt to others and that is a completely different curve ball.
I feel I have only touched upon this subject and may need to come back to it. I leave you with one final statement which my experiences have taught me the most.
Above all failure teaches us humility and compassion.
Until next week…………..
Reference https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/failure accessed online 5th August 2024.
Images from Positivity Flip Chart, A Positive Phrase For Every Week Of The Year, Lisa Angel @Floral Positivity Flip Chart, Norwich, NR136LH.
